


The Luz Appreciation Society

by Raphael_Antonello



Category: The Owl House (Cartoon)
Genre: Amity Blight Has a Crush, Blood Magic, F/F, F/M, Gen, Gus is worst wingman, Oblivious Luz Noceda
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:40:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 23,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25995364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raphael_Antonello/pseuds/Raphael_Antonello
Summary: After joining the Human Appreciation Society, a certain green-haired witch wants to learn all she can about these strange and wonderful creatures. Surely if she knows learns about humans, she can grow closer to her human friend, Luz Noceda? With Gus' not-so-helpful advice, this witch will go the distance and ask Luz out on a date, or die trying!
Relationships: Amity Blight/Luz Noceda
Comments: 113
Kudos: 456





	1. The Curious Flier

**Author's Note:**

  * For [GeminiAlchemist](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GeminiAlchemist/gifts).



It was yet another typical day at the Hexside Academy of Magic & Demonics: the sky was a clear, vibrant purple, the soft hum of education filled the hallways, and the upstairs boy’s bathroom dribbled with the blood of the damned. When the school bell hollered at the top of its lungs, the classroom doors swung open and students streamed out to head to their next classes. Many talked along the way, and every so often someone yelped at a prank pulled by Illusion Track students, or giggled at a funny joke. 

With conversation buzzing all around him, Augustus J. Russell, better known as ‘Gus’ by his friends, hung fliers on a bulletin board. It had taken a lot of schmoozing and no small amount of begging, but Principal Bump finally let Gus rejoin the Human Appreciation Society. He was only the club Treasurer, but it was only a matter of time before he became the club Secretary, then the V.P., then the club President. 

_ “You’d better watch your back, Mattholomule, because the rightful president is on the rise!” _ thought Gus as he stuck a tack in a flier. Once Gus was done plastering fliers over every square inch of the bulletin board, the young boy stood back and admired his handiwork.

The new fliers were quite spiffy, if Gus could boast. The white-and-blue concentric circles drew the eye in while the words ‘Human Appreciation Society’ glimmered in a bold yellow. Simple drawings of human artifacts tantalized the viewer, such as a red cellphone, a busted up TV, and a severed leg made of metal. When Gus found the prosthetic in Eda’s trash pile, he couldn’t believe it: humans had metal for bones? No wonder Luz was so surprisingly durable!

Surely new members would flock to the club by the dozen, fascinated by such odd curiosities, which would give Gus a bigger audience to entertain and boost his clout in the club. Why, in just one week, people would be pouring through the door to witness the marvels of the human world!

While Gus fantasized about his adoring public, he suddenly felt a sharp shove in the shoulder. The young boy stumbled on the spot before he found his footing. Gus turned his head when an unpleasantly familiar voice filled his pointed ears.

“What do you think you’re up to, A-goose-tus?” said Mattholomule. The brown-haired boy from the Construction Track grinned smugly at Gus. “Think you’ll earn brownie points for hanging all these fliers? Too bad, I’m not impressed. You might be club Treasurer now, but that’s all you’ll ever be.”

“Hey, don’t underestimate the power of good advertising! Once we have a hundred new members, they’ll vote a jerk of a president like you out of office, then I’ll be on top again.” Gus shook his head in faux disappointment. “No one takes you seriously anyways. Your knowledge of humans is as pitiful as that pun!”

Mattholomule snarled and poked Gus in the chest. While the two boys were roughly the same age, Mattholomule had a few inches on Gus and that difference meant a lot. Gus winced as Mattolomule glared at him.

“Keep talking big all you like, it won’t change anything. I’ve got the other members eating out of the palm of my hand! And no amount of fliers will change that.”

Before the situation could escalate any further, a clear voice cut through the two rivals’ conversation.

“Hey, Gus! What’s up, I missed you this morning!”

Luz Nozceda, one of Gus’ best friends, ran up to him. Unlike Gus and everyone else at Hexside, Luz was a human training to become a witch. Her ears were short and round compared to the pointed ears of witches, and she lacked the heart sac that let witches use magic, but Luz was no less determined to learn magic. She greeted Gus with a grin before she glanced at Mattholomule. 

“Mattholomule? What are you doing here?”

“Ah, the human!” Mattholomule leapt back a few feet and stared at Luz with a mixture of confusion and resentment. “I should ask the same thing! I thought Principal Bump banned you from this school forever?”

“Well, he did at first, but now I go here too! See?” Luz held out her arms, showing off her school uniform. The uniform was emblazoned with the colors of all nine magical tracks, which stood in stark contrast to the solid blue and brown of Gus and Mattholomule’s uniforms. “Check it, isn’t my uniform totally sweet? The more magic I learn, the faster I’ll become a witch, right?”

The brown-haired boy barely glanced at Luz’s outfit. He simply crossed his arms and frowned.

“Hmph. Hexside’s standards slip with every semester.” Mattolomule pointed at Luz. “I don’t care why you’re here, but if I see you anywhere near the H.A.S., I will get you sent back to detention. You won’t mess up my plans again.”

Luz frowned and leaned over to Gus. She not-so-quietly whispered in his ear.

“How can you stand that guy? He’s a total jerk!”

Gus sighed. 

“Sometimes artists have to suffer for their work. That includes working under know-nothings like him.”

Pretty soon, the three students were arguing back and forth, trading snarky comments and playground insults. They walked away from the flier-filled bulletin board on their way to the next class. Regrettably, they shared a Basic Geometric Magics class together, so their voices bounced off the walls like a chorus of angry cats.

Just as Luz disappeared into the sea of students, however, a green-haired girl stepped before the bulletin board. Golden eyes curiously surveyed the fliers, and plucking one off carefully, she studied the paper closely. She mumbled under her breath.

“‘The Human Appreciation Society,’ huh? This might be… helpful…”


	2. The New Member

The clock struck four when Hexside finally opened its doors and the school day ended. While most students returned home, others stayed behind for school clubs. The Historical Demon Association discussed the many infamous demons who made the Boiling Isles the festering cesspool that it was, while the Eldritch Truth Club tried to open a portal to a dimension of cute octopus monsters to smooch. The sounds of Grudgby practice filtered into the mostly empty school, and occasionally a magical explosion rattled the windows. 

But not even Boscha’s fireballs or Skara’s shrill screeches could ruin Gus’ good mood. He was busy preparing for today’s H.A.S. meeting by setting up a long line of human trinkets that Luz promised were genuine. Even if Mattholomule was the club president, Gus wasn’t about to let him pass off sticks and rocks as artifacts. Sure, Mattholomule took most of the credit, but Gus would rather let that happen than spread wild fabrications around.

Heaven knows Gus didn’t need help in that department.

Gus was setting up the wind-up teeth, which he swore humans used to eat metal, when the club room door swung open. Gus turned and smiled brightly as a witch walked through the door.

“Oh, hey Eileen! Glad you could make it, how was potions cl– wait, you’re not Eileen.”

“Heh, definitely not.” The newcomer eyed the mostly empty classroom. “Did I come too early? I can come back later if you like?”

“No, it's fine. It’s just…” Gus paused as he struggled to find the right words. “Do you… want to join the Human Appreciation Society? I never took you for, aha, an enthusiast like me.”

The newcomer frowned and crossed her arms defensively.

“I-I can have different interests! Who says I cannot shop around for hobbies? As my mentor said, ‘If you broaden your horizons and look at the world around you, you can enrich yourself much more than burying your nose in a book.’” The newcomer spun on her heel and went to leave. “But if I’m not up to snuff, so be it. I won’t stay where I’m not wanted...”

Gus raised a hand, and with surprisingly swift feet, he ran around and stopped the newcomer at the door.

“Wait, I didn’t mean it like that! I just don’t want to get bored and drop out is all.” Gus smiled and put a hand on the newcomer’s shoulder. “If you’re really curious, you’re welcome to join the Human Appreciation Society. Clubs are always more fun with friends!”

The newcomer stiffened up when Gus touched her, but she quickly relaxed. She returned Gus’ smile with one of her own. It was a small and fragile smile, and like a butterfly it was a fleeting thing, but it was nevertheless beautiful.

“... thanks. I look forward to learning about humans with everyone.” With a blush on her face, the new H.A.S. member leaned over and whispered in Gus’ ear. “Uh, I don’t suppose I could ask any questions before the meeting starts?”

“Sure, friend! Ask away!” Gus said, puffing his chest out with pride. “I happen to be the premier human expert in all of Hexside Academy! I can tell you all you need to know about the human realm!”

“Oh good.” 

The new member rummaged around in the satchel that hung off her shoulder. After a moment, she pulled out a scroll and unfurled it. The scroll rolled down and down until it hit the floor with a soft _thunk_. It kept unrolling across the floor until it hit the nearest wall. Guz gaped at the enormous list while the new member cleared her throat.

“A- _hem_. Question 1: What is the complete genetic history of humans? Why do they look so much like witches, but lack magic? Question 2: What differences exist between witch and human social cues? For instance, do they blush when embarrassed, or break out into a sweat when nervous? Question 3: What is human blood made of? Does it taste like Appleblood? Question 4: What is a human’s average lifespan? Question 5…”

The new member glanced from the scroll to Gus.

“I’m not going too fast for you, am I?” 

Slowly, Gus shook his head. He could only half hear the new member over the grinding of gears whirling in his skull.

Oh, oh yes, he could use this. Nothing terrified teachers quite as much as overly curious students. Not only could they drown in questions both inane and complex, but the hunger in a student’s eye could send shivers down the spine. The thirst for knowledge was a powerful one, and if a teacher showed the slightest hesitation, such students would eat them alive. And the new H.A.S. member looked awfully thirsty…

An empty-headed braggart like Mattholomule wouldn’t stand a chance. A sinister if goofy grin crossed Gus’ face and he rubbed his hands together in a manner most foul and cartoonishly evil. 

“Heh heh heh! Just wait, Mattholomule. Your reign is about to come to an end…”

“Hm, what was that? Was that an answer to Question 120, ‘do humans follow the feudal system?’”

“Oh, uh, sorry! Just talking to myself!” Gus said, giving an apologetic shrug. He took the scroll from the new member’s hands, cleared his throat, and picked a question at random.

“Let’s see, oh yeah! To answer question 342, yes, humans are indeed poisonous! They have poison sacs in the back of their throats that squirt when threatened. If the poison gets on a witch, it’ll melt the flesh off your bones in seconds, so don’t get too close to humans when they’re angry!”

“Duly noted…” said the new H.A.S. member with a disappointed sigh. "So much for getting a break-up smooch…"

"What was that?"

"N-nothing! I didn't say anything, maybe you said something, are you putting words into my mouth!?"

"... Riiight."

* * *

When the club meeting finally began, Mattholomule stood before the chalkboard with his usual smug smirk. He paced back and forth like a king sizing up his army, and every so often he adjusted his president hat, which was made from a gaudy cardboard crown. Assorted paperwork hung from the chalkboard, such as the meeting’s schedule and the club rules. 

Ever since Mattolomule took over, the H.A.S.’s rules had grown quite extensive and included orders like ‘everyone must praise the club president every hour, on the hour’ and ‘Luz the Human is not permitted near the H.A.S. clubroom.’ The members ignored most of the rules anyways, but they gave Mattholomule a sense of control and that was enough for now. 

“Good afternoon, everyone,” said Mattholomule in a smarmy tone. “I trust you all brought the latest human artifacts?”

The H.A.S. members nodded and placed their contributions on the table. The first member, Megan Fitzgerald, who wore the dark blue of the Healing Track, offered up two cords wrapped in white rubber. The cords were connected in the middle, and one end was a metal tip while the other had two plastic buds. With a proud grin, Megan twirled the cords around like a bola. 

“Yeah, check this out, guys! I found this nifty thing inside the belly of a dead Trash Slug!” Megan swung the cords from one hand to the other, nearly hitting Eric the Unicorn in the process. “I think it’s some kind of weapon? Maybe human babies use it in gladiatorial death matches?”

Mattholomule watched the white cords swing around for a few seconds before he rolled his eyes.

“Pffft, as if! That is clearly human floss. Give me that!” 

Snatching the cords from Megan, Mattholomule spun the cords around his fingers before flossing with it.

“You see? This is how humans keep their teeth clean from their dirt-based diet!”

“Uh.” Megan pointed at the white cords. “I didn’t… clean the ‘floss’ after I found it in the Trash Slug…”

After much cursing and a serious mouth rinsing, Mattholomule moved down the row. 

“Eric, what have you got? Please, _please_ tell me you found it someplace clean?”

“What?" Eric said, jarred from a daydream about tasty tin cans. "Wait, is it my turn? Right!” 

Eric bleated like a goat before he held up a bundle of gray wire. The wire was shaped like a crude triangle with a hook at the top. The unicorn demon scratched the side of his head as he eyed the strange device.

“Uuuh, I think humans use these for exercise? Like, they swing it around their hips until they get big and beefy? Or something?”

Megan leaned over and raised an eyebrow.

“But it’s rather small. How could a human fit that around their waist?”

Eric shrugged. “Maybe some humans are super thin like noodles?”

Once again, Mattholomule scoffed and he yanked the wire triangle from Eric. 

“Gaaah, isn’t it obvious? This is clearly a human necklace! It’s way too narrow to fit around their hips.”

After taking a deep breath, Mattholomule proceeded to force the wire triangle around his head. He grunted as his brown hair slipped past the metal and his ears popped out with a faint _ploink._ When the young boy finally fit the coat hanger around his neck, he beamed with pride as the thin metal dug into his flesh.

“There! There’s nothing– _hah–_ to it! Isn’t it– _hah–_ stylish?”

Megan, Eric, and Eileen shared a glance.

“Uh, are you okay, Matt?”

“Sure! Why– _uuugh–_ do you ask?”

“It’s just… has your face always been bluer than wolfsbane?”

“Haha! D-Don’t know what you’re– _hah–_ talking about! I feel perfectly–”

_Thud_

After the H.A.S. members pulled the coat hanger off Mattholomule’s neck, and Megan used her healing magic to resuscitate him, the club president growled at the last member, a cyclops witch with blue hair. 

“Okay, Eileen, show me what you got! And if it is dripping with Trash Slug juice or is a deadly weapon in disguise, I swear I’ll scream.”

“Oh, aaah…”

Eileen the cyclops tapped her fingers together. As usual, her deep voice was muffled by the massive eye that also served as her mouth somehow. It was best not to question how she ate or brushed her teeth. 

“I couldn’t, er, find anything? My _bakeneko_ has been sick lately, so I’ve been taking care of her instead. Sorry, Prez…”

Megan gasped and took Eileen by the hand.

“Oh no, Mrs. Mittens the Soul-Destroyer is sick? You should have told me sooner, Eileen, I could help!”

Eileen shook her head.

“I didn’t want to trouble you…”

“You could never! If it’s for a friend, I’m always there to help.”

“Blah blah blah, spare me the mushy stuff!” Mattholomule said with a groan. He narrowed his eyes on the cyclops. “This is the second time you’ve failed to bring anything in, Eileen! If you keep this up, you’re out of the club!”

Gus, who had been sitting off to the side taking notes, stood up and marched over to Mattholomule. He glared at the brown-haired witch and crossed his arms.

“Hey, would it kill you to show people more respect? We’re supposed to be friends here.” Gus shrugged. “So what if she didn’t bring anything in? Eileen has attended every meeting since the H.A.S. started. Back off, Mattholomule.”

Puffing his chest out, Mattholomule leaned forward until he and Gus were face-to-face. The overpowering smell of minty mouthwash filled Gus’ nostrils along with the faint odor of Trash Slug slime. 

“Oh yeah? Who is gonna make me? You, Mr. Club Treasurer?”

“Maybe…” Gus said with a scowl.

Before either boy could throw a punch or cast a spell, the new H.A.S. member raised a hand in the air. Their smooth yet serious voice cut through the tension like a hot knife through butter.

“Excuse me. I’m new here, so I didn’t know we had to bring in human artifacts,” said the new H.A.S. member. She lowered her arm and folded her hands together once she had Mattholomule and Gus’ undivided attention. The other members turned in their seats and stared in stunned silence at the green-haired witch. She raised a eyebrow. 

“... what? What are you looking at?” said Amity Blight. Without breaking eye contact, she pulled a book out of her satchel and held it up. It was a first edition copy of _The Good Witch Azura and The Field of Deadly Fates_ , complete with the dust jacket and the author’s autograph. “I happen to own a human novel, but it's pretty much like books here and the author clearly never met a real life witch, so does that count?”

“Is that… a Good Witch Azura book?” said Eileen. The cyclops blinked her big eye slowly. A nervous smile crossed Amity’s lips and she started to put the novel away.

“Well, er, yes, but it’s nothing to brag about. Sorry for interrupting, I’ll just–”

“I love the Good Witch Azura!” said Eileen, clasping her hands together. The cyclops rushed to Amity’s side and peered at the novel with pure excitement. “I thought I was the only one who on the Isles knew about the series. How did you get it, I’ve only ever read the first novel?”

“Oh, uh.” A faint blush crossed Amity’s face. She offered the book to Eileen, who held it with the adoring passion of a dyed-in-the-wool fan. “My uncle, Gregory Blight, is an imperial administrator. Whenever human contraband comes through the Conformatorium, he can take them at his discretion. He gave me the first Azura book on my 8th birthday, and after I read it in a single afternoon, he gave me the others as presents.”

“That’s so cool! I wish my uncle gave such great gifts! Mine just gives eye drops,” Eileen said. She tenderly stroked the book with a look of deep longing. “What I’d give to read more of the series. My favorite character is Hecate. Sure, she’s technically a villain and a real jerk sometimes, but when she helped Azura banish the Demon Prince in Book 1, I knew she was good deep down.”

Amity looked between the novel and Eileen. A small smile crossed her face.

“... would you like to borrow it?”

“Could I? I-I wouldn’t want to impose!” said Eileen. 

“Of course! But promise you’ll tell me what you think once you’re done.” Amity pushed the book deeper into the cyclops’ arms. “Books are best enjoyed with company, after all.”

The cyclops clutched the book tightly to her chest, as if she was afraid of dropping such a treasured tome. Eileen bowed her head to Amity.

“Th-thank you! I’m sure I’ll love it!”

While Eileen ran back to her seat and showed the Azura novel off to Megan and Eric, Mattholomule stared at Amity like she was the Angel of Death come to steal his soul. The brown-haired boy broke out into a sweat as his thoughts whizzed by a mile a minute.

 _“Th-That’s Amity Blight! The Amity Blight! What is a popular rich kid like her doing in a loser club like this?”_ thought Mattholomule. _“Is she here to pick a fight? No, she’s winning over Eileen. Is she… does she want to steal my title!?”_

Mattholomule loudly cleared his throat, and pushing past Augustus, he walked over to Amity. He pointedly adjusted his cardboard crown so she could see the word ‘president’ written in permanent marker. 

“Pardon, but… why are you here? Only official H.A.S. members can attend our meetings.” Mattholomule waved Amity off. “Sorry, but I must insist that you leave. Immediately.”

“But I am a H.A.S member,” Amity said in a nonplussed tone. “I joined today.”

“...” Mattholomule twisted a finger in his left ear. “Could you repeat that? I had a terrible ringing in my ear. It sounded like you said you were a member, but ahahaha, there’s no way–”

“That’s exactly what I said. I’m the newest member.” Amity nodded over to Gus. “Recently I’ve acquired an… interest in humans, so the Human Appreciation Society seemed like the best choice. Gus let me join.”

Amity leaned over Mattholomule and frowned slightly. Her golden eyes cut the brown-haired boy into itty-bitty pieces, examining what made Mattholomule tick and finding herself wanting.

“Who might you be, the club’s mascot?” Amity said. “I don’t think Principal Bump would approve of letting gremlins into the school.”

“Wh-what!?” Mattholomule grabbed his cardboard crown and shoved it under Amity’s nose. “How dare you, I’m the club president! You cannot talk to me that way!”

“Why not? You treat everyone like garbage, so why should you be an exception?” Amity said. She shrugged as Mattholomule’s face turned a rather vibrant shade of red. “Besides, I thought Gus was the club president? I cannot say I care for this change in leadership…”

 _“This girl is making a fool out of me! No one does that,”_ thought Mattholomule. He had half a mind to hex the green-haired witch, but knowing Amity’s reputation as a Top Student, she could probably break him in half with a giant Abomination. 

No, if Mattholomule wanted to maintain control, he would have to be smarter than that. Doing his best to regain his composure, Mattholomule tapped his fingers together.

“... fine. Any and all Hexside students can join the Human Appreciation Society. But to be a proper member, everyone needs to give up something. To show they are fully committed to the Society.”

Amity nodded her head in understanding.

“Fair enough. The school Grudgby team has a similar practice, so I brought the necessary tools.”

For a moment, Amity dug around in her satchel. When she finally found what she was looking for, the green-haired witch pulled out a short and crooked dagger. The edge was dangerously sharp, a wicked malice sung along the blade, and a blood-red eyeball was embedded in the pommel. A foul hunger emanated from the dagger, as if it cried out for a virgin sacrifice.

With an almost casual mood, Amity laid the sacrificial dagger on a black cloth of the finest silk. She then pulled out a wooden bowl, a sprig of hemlock, and a handful of goat’s teeth. After lighting a purple candle, Amity took the knife and raised it above her open palm.

In a deep and powerful tone, Amity chanted the Ancient Blood Rite of Joining After-School Clubs.

“Ode to the Fallen Light, who gave birth to this world! Ode to the Silent Choir, whose songs bring breath and life! Hear this one’s plea, for thy dark daughter cries out to thee!”

A deep rumbling came from beneath the school, and shadows in the classroom grew long and wild like they were cast aflame. A breeze started to blow in the classroom, centered on Amity and a stray piece of paper slapped Mattholomule in the face.

“This foul one wishes to ally with this cryptic society! Together, we shall pierce the veil between worlds and gaze upon the hideous and profane!” Amity cried out. Her eyes turned a dark shade of purple as her voice reverberated like thunder. Magic crackled up her arm and centered around the sacrificial dagger. “Is this not as thou commanded? To unravel the mysteries of this universe? To lay bare the beautiful and terrible machinations of the Old Gods?”

Amity raised the dagger higher. A powerful wind blew through the classroom, picking up stools and tossing them at walls at random. The other witches huddled in the corner of the room, trembling for dear life. Only Mattholomule remained at Amity’s side, too frightened to run away and too weak to escape her dark magical pressure. 

“Then with thy blessing, this foul one spills lifeblood in offering! If it pleases thee, this cryptic society shall become whole! If this offends thee, strike this foul one down with all thy wrath! For her, I mean, for the greater truth, it is well worth it! _Haaaaah_!”

With a great and terrible cry, Amity Blight drove the blade downwards at her bare flesh. His voice powerless before the localized hurricane, Mattholomule reached out to stop the razor-sharp dagger as it…!

… pricked Amity’s ring finger. Gently, a bead of blood pooled at the tip of the finger, and with a graceful flick, Amity spilled a few drops of red liquid into the wooden bowl. She glanced at the panicked Mattholomule as the bowl glowed with a purple light most foul and the blood and hemlock evaporated in a puff of smoke. Satanic laughter echoed in everyone’s ears before it faded away like the now-tepid tornado.

“... uh, are you okay?” Amity said. She blew some stray hair out of her face. “Geez, don’t be so melodramatic! It was only a blood sacrifice, it's like you’ve never contacted timeless beings beyond our infernal comprehension before!”

The brown-haired boy opened and closed his mouth like a fish gasping for air. His hand trembling, he pointed to the door.

“G-G-Get ou–”

“Oh my gosh, Amity! That was so freaking badass!”

Before Mattholomew could utter another syllable, Megan, Eric, and Eileen rushed to Amity’s side. Their combined inertia threw Mattholomule across the room until he hit a wall, where he then crumpled in a pile of fallen furniture and paperwork. Amity leaned back in her seat as the witches and demon admired her with stars in their eyes.

“I’ve never seen a blood ritual before, that was so cool!” Megan said, clenching her fists until they turned white. “Where did you learn a trick like that?”

“O-oh, that? That was nothing, Mistress Lilith showed it to me…”

”And so humble too! You’re gonna make us look bad, Ms. Blight!”

Drawing a magic circle in the air, Megan summoned a band-aid. She lovingly wrapped it around Amity’s bloody finger, and once Amity flexed the finger a few times, she noticed the band-aid was printed with drawings of adorable and by-no-means realistic trolls. She smiled at the cutesy art just as Eric pushed forward. 

“Amity, Amity! When I grow up, I want to be as brave as you!” said Eric the Unicorn. The goat-like demon bleated with a twinge of terror in his voice. “I could never stab myself like that. Look, my fur is standing on end! You are hardcore.”

“Please, it just takes strong nerves and practice. I-I’m not as brave as you think I am…”

“Amity.” Eileen took Amity by the hand and gave it a soft squeeze. Her single red eye shone brightly. “It is a pleasure to know you. Welcome to the Human Appreciation Society. Here, you’re one of us.”

Before Amity knew it, a chant was brewing and she was picked up by the three members. They carried her back and forth through the classroom like she performed some heroic deed.

“One of us, one of us, one of us!”

“Aaah, wait! Seriously guys, put me down!” Amity said, wiggling in their grasp. “I still have a lot of questions to ask! What are human mating rituals like? Are humans amphibious? Can they read minds, and if so, how do you keep them from learning your dark, forbidden secrets? Guys? Guys!”

While Amity was paraded around like a champion, Gus pulled himself from a wreckage pile of his own. He watched the victory lap for a moment before he saw Mattholomule groan in the corner. The brown-haired boy looked winded, but if Augustus knew Mattholomule, it would take more than a minor setback to break him. 

“Well, this didn’t turn out like I expected…” Gus said. The witch shrugged. “But I can work with it.”

Dusting himself off, Gus chased after the parade of witches.

“Hey, guys, wait for me! Let me tell you about how humans can climb on walls like lizards, and change colors based on their environment! It’s super freaky!”


	3. The Lovestruck Fools

About a week had passed since Amity Blight joined the Human Appreciation Society. During that time, she had grown quite popular in the club, and much to Mattholomule’s dismay, she was promoted to club Treasurer, booting Gus up to Secretary in the process. She now chatted with everyone over Penstagram, and Amity was debating on whether to invite Eileen to the Azura Book Club.

… maybe not yet. For now, the Azura Book Club was Amity and Luz’s private time, where they could be alone together and treasure the fantastic adventures of the Good Witch. Amity fondly remembered how deeply in-character Luz got, narrating Azura’s lines with all the passion of a Shake-Spearean actor. Light danced in Luz’s eyes as she lived and breathed the story, and Amity’s heart raced whenever Luz looked at her with those beautiful brown eyes. 

Just thinking about it made Amity blush, and she groaned as she ate her lunch alone in Hexside’s cafeteria. Today’s main menu consisted of sirloin steak freshly cut from a minotaur with a mandrake salad and honeyed peaches as side dishes. Food of this caliber would make any low-level imp drool, but the succulent meal turned to ash in Amity’s mouth. When she got this way, Amity found it hard to focus on anything but her own thoughts.

_ “Uuugh, what am I doing? I thought joining the H.A.S. would solve my little… problem, but all the knowledge in the world doesn’t matter if I don’t act on it," _ thought Amity. She stabbed the salad like it personally offended her and took a bite, the distant shriek of the mandrake echoing in her ears. 

“Why must humans be so confusing? What’s the best way to tell her?"

“Tell her what?” said Gus, sliding into the seat across from Amity. The dark-skinned witch had picked a plate of hard-boiled roc eggs and golden apple slices for his lunch. “Who are we talking about?”

The green-haired witch froze when she realized she said those last words aloud. Amity’s hands slammed on the table as she shot up like a rocket.

“N-No one! I wasn’t, uh, you heard nothing! What are you doing here?” 

Gus shrugged, paying no mind to Amity’s odd behavior. Perhaps she was a twitchy witch in general, and he never noticed it until they were friends?

“Who, me? I thought I’d say hi to the lovely club Treasurer!” Gus put a hand over his chest. “I know the role can be challenging, but congrats on rising in the ranks! How do you like the H.A.S. so far?”

“It’s… fine. I’m having a fun time.” Amity sat back down as her nerves relaxed. Out of all her friends, Gus was probably the one Amity could relax the most around. There was something charming about the young witch’s antics and cheesy jokes. “It’s nice to be part of a club with so many kind people.”

“Good, good,” Gus said, nodding his head. “But, if that’s the case, how come you’re by yourself? Where’s Eric or Megan? Or Luz? It seems like you two have been stuck at the hip lately!”

“Oh. Y-You think so?” Amity said, looking from side to side. “It must be your imagination! She’s probably doing some human thing, like reading books or brushing her six rows of teeth. She’s got better things to do than eat lunch with me every–”

Just then, Luz Noceda approached the cafeteria table. Luz gave a friendly wave before she slid into her seat, bumping into Amity’s side.

“Hey, guys! Sorry I’m late, Miss Jenkinmeyer was a real pain in the patootie! What’cha talking about?”

Amity stared at Luz as the girl sat mere inches from her. At this close range, she could see the faint potion stains on Luz’s uniform and smell the sweet aroma of carnations. Perhaps this was minor embellishment on Amity’s part, but Luz looked like an innocent angel, descending from above to grace this hellish world with her glorious presence. 

“Ah. Ah. Ah,” said Amity with her usual eloquence. Amity shook her head, and forcing her mouth to cooperate, she continued. “Ah, I mean, we were discussing future plans for the H.A.S.! As club Treasurer, I figure that if we hold a fundraiser, the H.A.S. could afford tickets to the Natural Museum of Otherworldly Oddities! Right, Gus?”

“Huh?” Gus tilted his head to the side. “Since when did we–”

If looks could kill, Gus would be deader than a banshee right now. A cold shiver went down his spine as Amity glared at him with the raw intensity of a cockatrice. Maybe it was his imagination, or had Gus’ fingers turned to stone? Out of blind instinct, Gus nodded his head.

“I-I mean, yes! I-If we petition Principal Bump and maybe babysit a few younger kids around the Isles, we can visit the Museum by the end of the month! I-I think?”

“Really? I wanna go, I bet there’s all sorts of cool magic stuff there! Maybe I can learn more runes too?” said Luz, leaning forward in her seat. 

Amity winced. That was such a bonehead move to pull. If she rattled off some plan to visit an amazing magical location, of course Luz would want to join. The green-haired witch cursed her lack of foresight and bowed her head from guilt.

“Er. Sorry, Luz, but the club rules prohibit you from joining.”

“Yeah. Dumb Mattholomule.” Gus crossed his arms with a harrumph. “When I’m the President again, I’ll strike down that rule. Maybe then you can join the H.A.S.?”

Luz nodded her head. There was a twinge of regret in her heart, but perhaps she could visit the Natural Museum some other way? Surely Eda could afford to bring her there, if only Luz could persuade the old witch to part with her money. Though that was only half the reason behind the human’s disappointment.

A not-so-small part of Luz wanted to see the museum with Amity. Luz knew how much of an egghead her friend was, and how Amity lit up when she learned about fascinating and new magic. Amity’s smile made Luz feel all warm and fuzzy inside, and although she couldn’t put a name on it, Luz felt so lucky to know an amazing, terrific, and pretty witch like Amity.

“I’d love to!” Luz took Amity by the hand and gave it a tight squeeze. “But if I can talk Eda into it, maybe we can see the museum together? If there’s human stuff there, I wanna share it with you!”

“Hah. But I, and you...” Amity said, her face redder than a cherry. “M-Maybe?”

“Yay! It’s a date!” said Luz.

The human girl leapt forward and pulled Amity into a hug. Amity’s eyes practically rolled up into her head as steam rose from her face. The rest of lunch was devoured with much gusto as the three friends chatted away, but Amity never stopped glowing like a neon sign. Every time that Luz got into her space or smiled at her, the green-haired witch felt her heart ache from these unspoken feelings, and it drove her half-mad.

When Luz finished her plate, she waved good-bye before rushing off to her next class; since the human was taking every magic track, Luz’s class schedule was quite packed. As Luz ran off, Amity waved back with a dopey grin. 

That’s when Gus said, “You liiike her, don’t you Amity?”

Amity nearly hopped out of her seat. She furiously shook her head.

“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about! Sure, I like Luz, she’s the best friend I’ve ever known, but there’s nothing strange about girls liking girls! I mean, I like Megan fine, and while I’m patching things up with Willow, she’s a great friend! I-I don’t see how Luz is any different, and it isn’t weird in the slightest that I stay up at night wondering what her lips taste like, or dream of her in a wedding dress, or admire how sunlight shines off her rich, brown skin and I should stop talking now."

Gus didn’t say anything. He didn’t have to; his smug, knowing smile said it all. Amity hated it, and for the first time since the Wailing Star Incident, the green-haired witch wanted to punch a child. 

In lieu of turning Gus into a nematode, Amity crossed her arms with a huff.

“... you cannot prove anything.”

“Hey, I get it, Amity! I support you all the way!” Gus gave two thumbs up. “No wonder you joined the H.A.S.! Luz is a tough nut to crack, and I’ve never heard of witches dating humans before.”

“Yes. My parents would be appalled that I loved a human,” Amity said, nodding her head wearily. She folded her arms and buried her face in the table. “Besides, can human women like each other that way? Sure, it’s common on the Boiling Isles, Aunt Gertrude married a rather grouchy Gorgon, but is Earth the same?”

Gus pursed his lips. Weaving a spell circle in the air, he levitated a book from his overstuffed backpack. The book was rather slender with a red cover, and in the center were two exotic symbols colored pink and blue. The cover was rather dusty, but the words ‘Human Sexuality and You’ were clearly printed in bold black font.

“I may have heard of such humans…” Gus said. He leafed through the book, careful not to crinkle the yellowed pages. After a few flips, he jabbed the book and said, “Ah-ha! Found it! Look here.”

Sitting beside Gus, Amity looked over the book. There were several water stains on the page, as if rain water had gotten into it, so most of the page was illegible. What words were left were smudgy and faint, but Amity read them closely.

The book read as such: 

_ Human sexuality is a complex --- mistress. Although it is --- why, there do exist people who --- own sex attractive. These people are known as ---, with --- men --- ‘gay’ and --- called ‘lesbians.’ Some even --- attractive, and are known --- bisex---. These individuals --- normal people, which makes them ---. If you encounter ---, please show them --- kindness. It is perfectly --- they love --- and may find peace. We are all born --- , and it is the right thing to do. _

“Huh,” said Amity. Due to the book’s lackluster condition, Amity felt she was missing a lot of context, but what information she could gather from it gave her hope. With a small smile, Amity said, “Hey, Gus… do you think Luz could be a ‘luzbian?’ Or maybe bisex?”

Gus held up a finger and in an authoritative tone said, “I believe it's pronounced ‘lesbean?’ And there’s only one way to find out!”

Amity blinked. She gave Gus a hopeful smile.

“You don’t mean…?”

“I do!” Gus stood up on the table and he rose a hand in the air. “Amity Blight, as your friend and awesome wingman, I pledge to help you and Luz hook up! And in return, you will keep getting under Mattholomule’s skin, and ensure my rise as the Human Appreciation Society President!”

“Oh really? You’ll help me for a measly favor like that?” Amity raised an eyebrow with a smirk. “I was going to overthrow that brat with or without your help. I know a bully when I see one, and although he’s hardly as strong as Boscha, Mattolomule will keep pushing people around unless someone pushes him back. Hard.”

“Then how would you pay me back?” said Gus.

Amity shrugged. 

“Oh, I don’t know… maybe get you and Eileen together?”

Gus’ face turned redder than a tomato. The young boy gave a bold laugh, but it came out as a strangled squeak instead.

“Me, like Eileen? I-I don’t know what you’re talking about! I-I don’t have a crush on Eileen!"

“Hi, Gus and Amity! Hope you’ve had a good lunch,” Eileen said, walking past their table. A silly grin crossed Gus’ face and he frantically waved to the cyclops.

“H-Heya, Eileen! I promise today’s artifacts will blow your socks off!”

Although the cyclops had no perceivable mouth, she smiled. Again, it was probably best not to question such strange things.

“Heheh, I can hardly wait!” 

Once Eileen disappeared, Gus kept smiling like a punch-drunk fool for a few seconds. It took Amity shaking his shoulder to wake Gus from the trance.

“Huh, what? Where am I? Where’s Eileen?”

A lighthearted chuckle came from Amity. Gosh, did she act this dopey around Luz? No wonder Gus figured her out so easily. And if Gus knew, Willow almost certainly did too. Amity felt a jolt of hot embarrassment at the thought, and clearing her throat, she patted Gus on the shoulder.

“Clearly we need help when it comes to romance. You know the old saying: love is a battlefield, so the best way to win someone’s favor is to tear out their greatest adversary’s heart and present it as a trophy.” 

Amity frowned and tapped her chin thoughtfully. 

“But Boscha’s parents would be rather put out if I murdered their daughter, so we’ll have to win them over other ways. Gus, do humans like chocolate-covered cockroaches? I could give Luz some as a gift…”

Gus shrugged. 

“Maaaybe? I think roaches live on Earth too?”

“It’ll have to do for now!” Amity pumped the air enthusiastically. “Watch out, Luz, ‘cause I’m gonna steal your heart!”

And halfway across Hexside Academy, while she was feeding a hippogriff in her Beast Keeping class, Luz Noceda felt her heart skip a beat. She clutched her aching chest and frowned slightly.

“Woof, is there a draft in here? It feels like someone wants to steal my organs or something..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those curious, here's a brief history on the life of Gertrude Filianore Blight:
> 
> Since she was nine years old, Gertrude knew. When she met her favorite author, Maik the Blood-Drenched Banshee, at Bonesborough's 12th Annual Book Fair, Gertrude had never seen a prettier demon. From the way her heart beat, Gertrude knew she would always love women. 
> 
> At age 15, Gertrude had her first kiss. It was a rushed and sloppy affair, for they were both novices and Tamri was terrified of drawing blood. They made out behind the Grudgby Ball bleachers, their hearts beating in their ears at the thrill of being caught. The heat between them was intoxicating, and although Tamri's vampire fangs clinked against her teeth, Gertrude knew they would love each other forever. 
> 
> By the time she turned 22, Gertrude was single. She needed space, time to figure out who she really was. Surely there was life beyond the Isles? So Gertrude set sail for the open seas, a dashing witch captain who could fight with the best of them. She took her first mate Velka as a lover, and every night they kept each other's beds warm. It was a strictly physical relationship, for Velka had a girl back home, but Gertrude enjoyed her company nonetheless. 
> 
> When Gertrude returned home at 30, she arrived on a sea of gold and half the number of eyes she was born with. Gossip among the wealthy elite said she was crazy, that Gertrude brought shame on the Blight name, but she didn't mind. People would talk regardless, so why care about the chatter of hens? Gertrude tried to rekindle her flame with Tamri, but it was much too late for that. They promised to stay in-touch, to be always be friends, but slowly they drifted apart...
> 
> And on her 35th birthday, Gertrude met her. Those emerald green scales, those blood-red eyes, the way her snakes curled and uncurled in an endless dance of serpentine seduction... Gertrude lost her breath. Eleanor was bright and sweet like a rose, but wild and free like an eagle. Gertrude loved nothing more than to see Eleanor at her work, painting exotic landscapes and crafting sculptures from clay. It was a deep and abiding love, one that would last a lifetime, and before she turned 40, Gertrude and Eleanor were married.
> 
> Gertrude and Eleanor now live in a small mansion along the Titan's spine. They don't speak much to the other Blights, for what true Blight would break rank to marry a common demon? But once upon a lonely moon, Gertrude met her darling niece, who was so bright and kindhearted that Gertrude saw herself in the child, and who Gertrude loves very much. Perhaps she will again visit some day? Surely she's grown so much since then, and perhaps she has found love herself...?


	4. Plan Feline From Outer Space

It was a dark and stormy mid-afternoon when Amity and Gus discussed how to best win Luz’s heart. Well, it was actually partly cloudy with a ten percent chance of shale hail, but Amity drew curtains over the windows to pretend it was nighttime. Amity paced in circles across her bedroom carpet while Gus sat at her private desk.

“If I’m gonna make Luz fall in love with me, I have to be clever, charming, and above all, cute...” said Amity. She counted on her fingers as she rattled off the list. “I have the first two down pat, but I’m hardly what you’d call ‘cute.’”

Gus watched Amity pace around. The green-hair witch wore an imitation of Luz’s purple-and-white jacket, which she occasionally paused to fondle with a warm smile. Gus could only imagine how Amity got her hands on such a unique outfit. The dark-skinned witch rolled his eyes.

“Gee, I don’t know about that…”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Amity said in a sharp tone. Gus quickly shook his head.

“N-Nothing, I didn’t say anything!”

“Good. My ears must be playing tricks on me…”

Amity returned to her pacing. 

“Or perhaps I’m going about this the wrong way? There’s no way I could be cuter than Luz.” Amity stamped her foot down with a flustered frown across her face. “I mean, have you seen that girl? She’s cuter than bunny rabbits and puppy dogs combined!”

Gus nodded his head. 

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure Luz eats rainbows for breakfast.” Gus stroked his chin thoughtfully. “Now that I think about it… note to self: research if humans can consume the light spectrum. I bet it lets them shoot lasers from their eyes!”

Amity scoffed and rolled her eyes. She knew Gus was the leading expert on all things human, but some of his theories were a tad dodgy. For example, Gus claimed that humans soared through the sky in great flying machines called ‘aero-plines,’ which was absolutely absurd. After all, how could humans ever get a metal contraption in the air? It was just too heavy! 

Now magical broomsticks, those were fast, lightweight, and could easily carry a witch into the sky. It was simple logic, and if Amity Blight was anything, she was logical. 

Perhaps that’s why she was drawn to Luz: the human was free-spirited, chaotic, and above all, illogical. Luz took Amity’s worldview and flipped it upside down, showing her there was more to life than mere facts and rules. When Luz was around, Amity felt lighter than air and like she could do anything. Whether it meant sharing her passion for the Good Witch Azura, or apologizing to Willow for being a bad friend, Amity Blight was a better person because of Luz, and that’s why she loved her.

With a sigh, Amity shook her head. No, now was not the time to get distracted. She had to form a plan, not daydream about how sweet and kind Luz was, or how warm her hands were, or how Luz’s laughter was like the songs of fallen angels. She needed to focus, so focus already!

“If I cannot be cute for Luz, I give her something cute instead!” said Amity. She pointed at Gus. “Name something cute. I don’t care what it is, I just need something to work with.”

“Oh, uh.” Gus pursed his lips and thought for a moment. “Bears? Bears are kinda cute, and I hear pandas are really popular in the human realm. Maybe you could give Luz a teddy bear?”

Amity shook her head. “No, that’s too childish. Only five-year-olds and emotionally stunted adults play with dolls.”

“What about otters?”

“She already has an otter suit. I want this gift to be special, something Luz has never seen before!” Amity thought for a moment. “... what about a unicorn? I could rent a unicorn for Luz to ride for a day. Unicorns don’t exist in the human realm, right?”

Gus nodded his head, but at the same time his face went pale. Behind the young boy’s eyes, memories of wild braying and gnashing teeth echoed in his mind, not to mention the deadly fear of sharp horns prodding around his insides. Gus frantically waved his hands in the air.

“Yeeeah, but uh, I wouldn’t trust Luz around unicorns.” Gus shivered as if someone walked over his grave. “Y-You know her, she’d likely get overexcited and h-hug one too tightly, then whoops! Luz is ten pounds lighter on account of the hole in her gut.”

“You make a fair point…” Amity said, too absorbed in thought to notice Gus’ latent trauma. “There must be something I can give Luz! But what?”

In desperation for a bright idea, Amity’s eyes wandered across her bedroom. She glanced over the violet carpet that stretched across the flagstone floor, eyeing with irritation a few stray textbooks and papers. Various paintings and banners hung from the walls, including a portrait of her parents and an emblem of the Emperor’s Coven. None of it was cute in the slightest, and not for the first time, Amity wished her skills extended into interior decorating.

The bookcase and antique lamp beside the bedroom window was equally unhelpful. Nothing but dusty tomes and old boxes there. The Blights were a traditional witch family, which meant their furniture and possessions were handed down over the generations, and much of what Amity owned had only been stylish a hundred years ago. If it wasn’t for the jasmine candles that scented the room, Amity’s bedroom would reek of mold and mothballs. 

Eventually, Amity’s eyes were drawn to her bed. It was a simple but large four-poster with a comfy mattress and violet canopy. A cranberry red comforter laid across the mattress with half a dozen pillows at the top. A single doll rested upon the pillows, staring at Amity with woeful button eyes. 

The doll was a pitiful thing, a gag gift given by Emira and Edric on Amity’s tenth birthday. The poor doll was more-or-less a cat, but its head was round and swollen while its legs were short and stubby. It had green buttons for eyes, and a crooked tail made from black string. The stitching on the cat doll was poor, and it was obvious the twins knew next-to-nothing on fine needlework, but it somehow survived the years with only a few rips and a patchwork left arm.

Amity returned the doll’s sad expression with one of her own. After taking a deep breath, she said, “... do you think Luz likes cats? They’re kinda cute, you know, despite being spiteful murder machines of mayhem and destruction.”

Gus sat up in his seat.

“Does she…?” He shook his head. “Of course Luz likes cats! She’s basically half cat herself!”

“Really? You think so?” Amity said in an uncertain tone. Gus nodded his head.

“It’s true! Humans love cats, probably ‘cause their ancestors are cats.”

If someone listened closely, they could almost hear the gears seize up in Amity’s brain. Her mouth fell open 

“... you’re kidding me. Tell me you’re joking, Gus. Please.”

Gus shook his head.

“Nope! You see, it’s a common misconception that humans were made from clay, when in fact, they were born from alien cats over five thousand years ago!”

With a proud grin, Gus pulled a magazine from his backpack and held it out to Amity. The magazine was made from subpar materials with easily tearable paper, and indeed, there were several rips across the front page. At the top of the page was the title ‘Coastal Enquirer,’ and below in red ink was the header ‘Did Alien Cat Gods Visit the Earth 1000s of Years Ago!?’

Flipping to the relevant article, Gus beamed as he showed Amity stone reliefs of ancient Egyptians riding large boats across the Nile and of humans bowing before cats. He pointed out the various cat gods that humans worshiped, from the wise Bastet to the bloodthirsty Sekhmet, and how cats still had an important place among humans today. Gus even shared his various theories on what hieroglyphs meant, and how humans one day dreamed of returning to the stars and becoming cat people again.

At first, Amity thought Gus was making stuff up. After all, if cat aliens were so great, why did their terrible and furry reign over the human realm end? However, the more Gus explained his theories, the more Amity believed him. 

It was so obvious now! How else could Luz be so friendly, yet so mysterious? Only a cat person could charm Amity so easily, yet also infuriate her so deeply. Clearly Luz was part cat, there was no question about it. She even wore cat ears on her jacket, as if Luz was preparing for her inevitable transformation into a cute cat-girl. How did Amity miss all the signs!? 

With this discovery made, Amity knew exactly what to do. 

“Gus… get Willow on the crystal ball. I’m going to need her help with this one,” said Amity as the perfect plan came together in her head. 

“Oh yeah? What should I tell her?”

“Tell her… tell her to set up an appointment at Madame Beatrice’s Boutique. And also have her bring all the catnip she can find.” Amity tapped her fingers together. “Oooh, Luz… we’re gonna have such fun together…”

* * *

The next day, Luz, Gus, and Willow were strolling through the Marketplace. The three friends were merely window shopping, but even after weeks of living on the Boiling Isles, Luz still found the magical market fascinating. She ooohed and aaahed at every spectacle, whether she was admiring a shiny cuckoo clock that sang show-tunes or an emerald toad statue with hypnotic ruby eyes. 

After she said thanks but no thanks to a dark-hooded figure selling cursed rings of power, Luz turned to her friends. 

“I gotta say, guys, I’m having a good time! It’s funny: after all the wild adventures and wacky hi-jinks we get into, sometimes the best days are basic meet-ups like this.”

“Heh, I agree. It’s nice to just hang out and relax,” Willow said, putting down a peacock fan that could supposedly summon the four winds. 

A small frown crossed Luz’s face.

“Speaking of friends, have either of you heard from Amity? She was supposed to meet up with us half an hour ago.”

Gus and Willow shared a glance, then Gus gave an easygoing shrug.

“Eeeh, she probably got caught up with something. Don’t worry so much, she can meet us at the Bogwater Cafe!”

“I guess…” Luz sighed. She really, really wanted to see this cafe with Amity. It wasn’t often that new stores were added to Bonesborough, and Luz was curious what fresh spin the Boiling Isles made on cafes. 

Not only that, but Luz desperately wanted to share a cup of hot cocoa with Amity. Call her weird, but the sight of the green-haired witch with a chocolate mustache would send Luz to tears, and perhaps if she was lucky, Amity would let Luz clean it off too…?

Once one o’clock rolled around, the three friends departed for the cafe. They passed by several shops along the way, such as Mr. Rotten’s Meat Emporium and the Baneful Queen’s Salon of Perfumes and Poisons. Luz peered through the windows, gasping at the assorted deli meats hanging off rusted hooks and the rows of purple peony perfumes and poison vials shaped like green apples and skulls. 

They nearly walked past a fancy boutique filled with lacy dresses and pin-striped suits when Amity Blight stepped out the door. Amity blushed brightly as she nearly bumped into Luz, and backpedaling a bit, she frantically waved hello.

“L-Luz! Willow, Gus, I-I didn’t see you there!” Amity gave an apologetic grin. “Sorry for being late, my fitting with Madame Beatrice ran long. I wanted to wear something special for today, so I hope the wait was worth it?”

The green-haired witch spun on her heel and gestured to her outfit. Amity wore a black dress with purple leggings, a gold necklace, and black leather boots. The dress was simple, yet elegant with short, lacy sleeves and a hem that reached the knees. The dress’ top was styled after a black cat with white eyes and whiskers, and when Amity twisted around, the cat winked at the viewer. At Amity’s side hung a purse that was also shaped like a cat with emerald green eyes, and if someone stroked it, the purse would quietly purr.

Luz gasped with stars in her eyes. She had never seen such a cute outfit before, and the fact that Amity was wearing it only made it more adorable. She rushed forward, and taking Amity by the hands, Luz hopped on the spot.

“Amity, you look great! I totally have to get a matching outfit, maybe of a dog or a bat? What do you think?”

“Oh! Uh, y-you’d look good in anything, Luz,” said Amity. “And th-thanks, I love this dress too. I’ll have to wear it more often.”

If Amity was being honest, she had hoped for a more noble entrance than this, such as greeting Luz outside the Bogwater Cafe like they just-so-happened to bump into each other. But as usual, whenever Luz was involved, plans quickly fell apart. Guess that was the curse of loving such an adorable idiot. 

Clearing her throat and standing up straight, Amity regained what composure she could. If she wanted this date to go right, she had to pull out all the stops. 

“Luz?”

“Yes, Amity?”

“Before we go to the cafe, I wanted to show you a new trick I learned.”

“A trick?” Luz’s eyes grew big and wide. “Oooh, is it a new spell, or a stunt you taught an Abomination? Show me, show me!”

“Er. It’s not quite that sort of trick. Just… pay attention and hear me out, okay?”

Judging by Amity’s firm tone, this trick was very important. Luz nodded her head and gave Amity her full attention. For an excitable human like Luz, that took quite a lot of effort, but Luz wanted to show Amity the same respect she showed her.

Clearing her throat again, Amity looked Luz dead in the eye, and in full seriousness said, “Meow.”

Luz blinked. 

“Meow?” said Luz.

“Meow meow. Meow,” said Amity. 

_“Oh thank goodness, she understands me,_ ” Amity thought as she continued to make cat noises at Luz. The green-haired witch resisted the urge to wipe away some sweat. _“If Luz is gonna become a cat-girl someday, I must learn the tongue of her people. Hopefully I don’t say anything rude in Catinese.”_

“Meow! Mrrr, purrrr,” said Amity, her confidence rising. Meanwhile, Luz tilted her head to the side. 

_“Is… is Amity okay? Did she hit her head or something?”_ Luz thought. The human girl squinted and eyed the pretty witch from head-to-toe. _“Hmm, I don’t see any bumps on her noggin. Maybe this ‘trick’ is a new game? That must be it!”_

Never one to let a fun game pass her by, Luz enthusiastically meowed at Amity. The green-haired witch felt her heart skip a beat as Luz flapped her hands around like a cat kneading the air, truly getting into the moment. 

“Meow meow, purr!” said Luz. She pulled the hoodie over her head and wiggled the fake cat ears around. “Mrrr!”

“Meow, trrrrl!” said Amity. Oh, what sweet relief was this! Amity was so glad she could connect to Luz on such a deep and fundamental level, and putting a hand over her heart, Amity wiped a tear from her eye. “Purrrr…”

“Chichichichi, mraw~” Luz said, wagging a suggestive eyebrow at Amity. The green-haired witch blushed brightly, and chuckling weakly, Amity waggled a suggestive eyebrow back. 

While these two girls spoke utter nonsense to each other, Gus and Willow watched from nearby. Gus held his hands together and breathed out a happy sigh.

“Aaah, isn’t young love beautiful?” Gus said with watery eyes. He sniffled softly. “They’re gonna bridge the divide between witches and cat aliens for sure! Don’t you think so, Willow? Willow?”

Willow watched the spectacle unfolding before her with a stony expression. Statues had brighter complexions than Willow did right now. Turning slowly, the blue-haired witch frowned at Gus.

“What have you been teaching her in the H.A.S.?”

“Pardon?”

With a jerky, half-vital motion, Willow grabbed Gus by the shoulders and shoved her face in his. Her glasses shined brightly in the sunlight.

“What nonsense have you been putting in that poor girl’s head, Gus? It is a very simple question.”

Gus shrugged. 

“Wh-What’s wrong? I taught Amity how humans are the long-lost descendants of cat aliens from the Planet Nyan-Nyan in the Rainbow Galaxy.” Gus shrugged. “It’s nothing that Luz wouldn’t have told us eventually. I’m sure she’s just embarrassed how she’s gonna grow fur and a tail someday.”

For the second time in two days, Gus felt that if looks could kill, Willow would have murdered him on the spot. But rather than make roses grow out of Gus’ ears, Willow walked over to the chattering girls with a tight smile.

“Pardon me for interrupting this…. interesting conversation,” Willow said. She pointed to the Bogwater Cafe, which was just a few doors down from the boutique. “But perhaps you two should head off to the cafe? I’m sure there’s a booth waiting for you!”

“The two of us?” Luz said. “I thought all four of us were hanging out?”

Willow shrugged helplessly and glanced back at Gus. 

“I know, I’m sorry! But something came up and my dads want me back home right away. Isn’t that right, Gus?”

“What? O-oh, yeah! Willow’s parents want our help to, uh, water the petunias! Yeah, cannot let them dry out in this sweltering summer heat, ehehehe!”

“Didn’t it rain last night?”

Gus looked down at his bare wrist and gasped at his invisible watch.

“Whoops, look at the time, gotta go!” 

With another apology, Gus and Willow ran off, leaving Luz and Amity to their own devices. The green-haired witch gave a grateful smile, thankful that she had such thoughtful and kind friends. She had relished speaking to Luz in her native language, but with only one night’s worth of Catinese practice, Amity didn’t have a clue what she actually said. But Luz enjoyed herself, and that was good enough for her. 

Holding out her hand, Amity said, “It is a shame Gus and Willow had to leave, but we can still have fun together. Come on, I wanna grab some good seats.”

With her heart beating surprisingly fast, Luz took Amity’s hand and smiled fondly at her very best and prettiest friend.

“Yeah, let’s go!”

Hand in hand, Luz and Amity walked into the Bogwater Cafe with bright eyes and open hearts.

* * *

Judging it by the name alone, the Bogwater Cafe was not what Luz was expecting. She expected the cafe to have a swamp theme, like a New Orleans restaurant mixed with the Black Lagoon. There should be pools of standing water and lily pads everywhere with a chorus of frogs croaking in the air. The soft glow of fireflies should light up the room as customers drank out of flowery cups. The waiters and waitresses should be fish people with big bulging eyes and pale skin, and the menu should be printed on leaf fronds that were bigger than Luz’s head.

Instead of a filthy wonderland of magic and amphibians, the Bogwater Cafe was much drier and fluffier. The hardwood floor was carved out of oak with paw print pattern rugs strewn about the place. The walls were painted a warm yellow with many portraits of cute demons wearing funny outfits. Plush chairs and couches replaced tables and booths, and towering cat trees lined the walls. Toys such as stuffed mice and jingle balls littered the floor, and over two dozen cats of various breeds flitted around the cafe, rubbing themselves against customers’ legs and generally getting underfoot.

“You know,” Luz said, scratching a purring Persian behind the ears. “This place should really rebrand itself. I had no idea cat cafes existed on the Boiling Isles!”

“Yeah, this place used to be a potion shop that sold red toadstools and purple moss.” Amity stroked a fluffy Ragdoll from the neck down. “Then it got new management, and now it’s a kitschy cafe.”

The green-haired witch gave Luz a worried look. The two girls shared a couch in the back of the cafe, where they waited for their drinks to be finished.

“B-But you still like it, right?”

“I do, I do!” Luz hurriedly nodded her head. “I was just expecting, oh, something else?”

When the Persian finally grew bored of this strange non-witch creature, he walked off. Luz waved him farewell before smiling at Amity.

“I’m having a great time, really! There are so many squishy fuzzballs to love! I wanna hug them all!”

Amity chuckled and faintly blushed.

“Good, I’m glad. I thought you might enjoy it here.” 

With a gentle hand, Amity nudged the Ragdoll away. She then stroked her cat purse, making the animated handbag purr. The metal clasp popped open, and rummaging around, Amity continued.

“I actually, erm, got you a little something. You don’t have any allergies, do you?”

“Oooh, you got me a present? What is it, what is it?”

Leaning forward, Luz tried to peer inside the purse, but Amity pulled it away in time. She gave Luz a playful smile.

“No peeking, you’ll spoil the surprise!”

“Boo!” said Luz, but the young human waited all the same. It wasn’t often that Luz received gifts, much less a gift from Amity. Whatever it was, Luz would treasure it forever and always.

After some twisting and a muffled curse, Amity presented the gift to Luz. Based on its long, green stems, Luz first thought it was a bouquet of flowers, but as she looked at the gift, she noticed a distinct lack of red rose petals or the golden-yellow of buttercups. Instead, the plant had small, frilly leaves with nearly-invisible white hairs poking out of the steam. The gift was safely planted in a ceramic pot, and if Luz squinted real hard, she could see tiny, white flower buds just beneath the leaves.

“Uh, thanks for the… parsley?” Luz said, raising an eyebrow. “Eda could always add more spice to our meals. I’m lucky if she bothers to cook the meat at all.”

“That’s… concerning, but it’s actually catnip.” Amity pushed the green plant deeper into Luz’s face, her eyes wide with expectation. “How do you feel? Here, take a deep whiff.”

Luz leaned back, unsure what Amity wanted from her. Carefully, she took the pot of catnip and plucked a leaf off the plant. Crushing it in her hand, she offered the leaf to a nearby Maine Coon.

Lazily turning its head around, the Maine Coon sniffed Luz’s hand. At first, it didn’t react to the catnip at all, but when it licked the broken leaf, the cat stiffened up. It then licked the catnip some more, and snatching the leaf away from the human, the Maine Coon gnawed on the catnip and let out a deep, satisfied purr.

It didn’t take long for the other cats to notice this little spectacle. Pretty soon, cats swarmed Luz by the dozen, pushing and shoving each other out of the way to eat catnip to their heart’s delight. Luz was buried under a blanket of furry bodies, and letting out a giggle, Luz’s face popped out between an old Siberian and a chubby Pixie-Bob.

“Aaah, save me, Amity! I’m drowning in cuteness~” Luz said with a laugh, squirming under the parade of fuzzy felines. She tore chunks of catnip off the plant and flung it among the swarm, but instead of parting, the cats simply chewed the leaves and curled up with the human, rolling onto their backs and smothering Luz with their fickle love.

Amity watched the assault from the other end of the couch, her heart conflicted. On one hand, Luz looked positively adorable buried beneath a mountain of cats. It was odd how she didn’t react to the catnip, but Amity knew that plenty of cats weren’t affected by the plant at all. On the other hand, she wanted to be the one snuggling with Luz, not a bunch of dumb, furry animals. How dare those fleabags try to seduce Luz away from her!?

Snatching up a nearby feather toy, Amity held the colorful feathers above Luz’s head. 

“Hey, you cats! Get off of my human!” Amity said. She swung the toy back and forth like a pendulum, the feathers spinning around on the string. The feline mob tilted their heads skyward, their pupils growing wide as they honed on the toy like the proud carnivores they were.

For a moment, Amity thought the trick worked… only for the cats, like a freakish lion made from the bodies of smaller cats, to rear up and pounce on the feather toy all at once. A Burmese snatched the toy out of Amity’s hand, and when it landed, the cat swarm fought over it. And all the while, Luz was still buried beneath them. 

A hundred tiny claws poked and scratched at Luz as the fight broke out, and squirming on the couch, Luz said, “Ow! Quit it, ouch! Come on guys, cannot we play– eeep! Quick, Amity! Save me! For real this time!”

“Oh, oh my!” Amity said. She quickly shoved an arm in the scuffle, hoping to throw the feather toy far away from Luz, but a flurry of swipes swatted her away with a few scratches as a warning. Amity looked between the beads of blood silently seeping from her hand to the mob and the flailing Luz. A hard glint filled the green-haired witch’s eyes.

“Right then.” Amity squared her shoulders up, and with death in her eyes, she pounced on the cat-fight. “Don’t you dare hurt her, you furry fiends! Fall and perish!”

With a soft _thump_ , Amity fell on top of the mob. Being skittish creatures by nature, the cats panicked and quickly dispersed, running away in every possible direction from this crazed witch. A few cats wiggled between Amity and Luz’s bodies as they struggled to escape, but pretty soon all that was left of the mob were a few bell collars and a pile of loose hair.

But that wasn’t important right now. What was important was Luz, for the young human was covered from head-to-toe in scratches and bruises. Most of the cuts were light and only a few black-and-blue marks covered Luz’s skin, but the human had seen better days. Amity looked over Luz with worried eyes, running a hand down the human’s cheek.

“Oh no no no! This is all my fault!” Amity said. She gulped hard. “Luz, are you okay? Can you stand?”

“Y-Yeah…” Luz said. She let out a weak chuckle. “Remind me next time… to be less generous when handing out free drugs.”

With a groan, Luz sat up while Amity crawled off of her. Thinking on her feet, the green-haired witch drew a spell circle and summoned a first-aid kit. While Amity disinfected and cleaned up as many scratches as she could, she gave Luz a small frown.

“I’m sorry. We should have never come here…”

“What? Why do you say that?” Luz said, wincing as Amity put on a band-aid. “I’m having a lot of fun!”

“B-but just now, with the cats! I never expected you to get hurt!” 

Luz shrugged.

“Eh, I’ve had worse. Besides, whether you’re buying haunted dolls with friends or fighting chimeras on a wild adventure, you’re bound to get hurt sometimes!”

Amity pursed her lips, but said nothing. Her heart ached with guilt. 

The catnip was a colossal mistake. She only wanted Luz to relax, to help the human get in touch with her inner cat-girl. Surely being the only human on the Boiling Isles bothered Luz sometimes, even if she never spoke up about it. Amity couldn’t imagine what it felt like to be so far away from home, away from her friends and loved ones. By coming to this cat cafe, Amity wanted Luz to reconnect with her roots, to feel less alone. Even if it didn’t work, Amity wanted Luz to know she was here for her, whenever she wanted to open up.

But Amity failed even at that, and now the date was ruined, and Luz would keep suffering in silence, and Amity could never share her true feelings and she’d be alone forever and and and–!

– and Luz put a hand on top of Amity’s and gave it a soft squeeze. The darkness faded from the corners of Amity’s vision as she stared at her crush, and with her classic human charm, Luz smiled at her.

“It’s okay, Amity. I’m fine, don’t worry so much!” Luz said. She looked at Amity with fondness in her eyes. “Even when things get out of hand, so long as I’m with you, I know things will turn out alright.”

It felt like a centaur kicked Amity squarely in the chest. Her breath hitched as she squeezed Luz’s hand back.

“Y-You mean it?”

Luz chuckled and nodded her head.

“Of course, nothing makes me happier! And if it makes you feel any better…” With a deft hand, Luz grabbed the floating first-aid kit out of the air. Pulling out a band-aid, she unwrapped and stuck it to Amity’s right cheek. She held up her own bandaged arm with pride. “Now we match! Welcome to the Boo-Boo Buddy Club, Amity!”

Reaching up, Amity stroked the band-aid on her cheek. She smiled and gingerly shook her head.

“I feel like I’m missing some context, but thanks. So, what are the rules of the Boo-Boo Buddy Club?”

Luz held out a peace sign and winked.

“There’s only two: one, Boo-Boo Buddies will always care for each other; and two, be sure to have lots of fun!” Luz took Amity by the hand and pulled the green-haired out of her seat. “So come on, the day’s a-wasting! Let’s go explore some lost dungeon!”

“L-Luz, wait!” Amity said, stumbling on her feet. “What about our drinks!?”

“Oh right! Let’s grab them and go!”

Running by the counter, Amity barely had enough time to grab their order of hot chocolate and jasmine tea before Luz pulled her out the door. The green-haired witch lagged behind as she ran after the human, but as Luz’s laughter rang out through Bonesborough, Amity couldn’t imagine sweeter-sounding music...


	5. The Notebook

The club session started off like any other: after Gus welcomed everyone to the Human Appreciation Society and Mattholomule criticized everyone’s artifacts, Amity counted off the attendance. Perhaps it was because of the new semester or Gus’ spiffy fliers, but over the past two weeks, the H.A.S. had doubled in size. Most of the new members were freshmen or transfer students, kids who were still adjusting to Hexside, but Amity recognized at least one student from her Abominations 101 class. She smiled as she added them to the attendance sheet.

Once everyone was accounted for, the real meeting began. Gus showed off a few human artifacts he found around the Boiling Isles, discussing them in vivid detail. Mattholomule occasionally interrupted, pointing out flaws in Gus’ theories, but he was much more tame than before. With the influx of new members and Amity’s popularity, the little brat couldn’t push everyone around as much, lest he be voted out of office. A nasty part of Amity relished the sight of Mattolomule sitting in the corner, stewing in impotent fury, but she focused on Gus’ lecture. After all, perhaps the next artifact could help her win Luz’s heart?

“And that, my friends, is how humans make the deliciously disgusting drek they call ‘egg quesadillas,’” Gus said, holding up a cracked blender. The H.A.S. members clapped politely while Amity eyed the blender.

 _“Would Luz like a meal like that?”_ Amity thought. She jotted a few ideas in her notebook. _“If I carefully explain the recipe to the family chef, surely he could make quesadillas for me and Luz?”_

Before Amity could write anything else, a hand slapped down on the page. Amity practically hopped out of her seat as Mattolomule sneered at her.

“Whatcha writing about, Blight?” Mattolomule said, glancing over Amity’s notebook. “Writing more love letters to your precious human?”

A soft blush crossed Amity’s cheeks, but she quickly shook her head.

“Like it's any of your business,” Amity said. She glared at Mattolomule and snapped the book shut, clipping his fingers. The young witch hissed as he shook off the pain, but the snide tone didn’t fade from his voice.

“Well actually, it is my business!” Mattolomule pointed to the long sheet of paper hanging off the blackboard that listed the H.A.S. rules. “As the club Secretary, you must know all the rules by now. Refresh my memory, what is rule #34 again?”

Without glancing at the blackboard, Amity said, “‘Rule #34: Absolutely no roleplaying as humans during club hours. Please see the Human Fantasy Club down the hall.’”

Mattolomule nodded his head with satisfaction. 

“Yes, very good. And rule #46, if you’d be oh so kind?”

Amity rolled her eyes, and with a huff said, “‘Rule #46: All H.A.S. members should remain objective while studying humans. This ensures more accurate findings.’”

The green-haired witch shrugged.

“So what, Mattolomule? Is there a point to this little trivia game, or…?”

With a smug smirk, Mattolomule said, “Don’t worry, I was getting to that. Namely, as the President of the Human Appreciation Society, I Mattolomule Thomas find you, Amity Blight, in violation of rules #34 and #46! Not to mention a bunch of minor rules, I oughta mention!” 

Amity blinked in surprise. Ever since she joined the H.A.S, Amity knew Mattolomule had it out for her. With his rather volatile personality, she half-expected Mattolomule to force her out over some petty squabble or for failing to bring in an artifact, but she didn’t expect him to use the actual rules against her. Perhaps the young witch wasn’t so stupid after all, even if most of his rules were absurd. 

Like a compass pointing north, Amity felt the full weight of the other H.A.S. members' attention fall on her. They were waiting for her response, to judge the weight of her words against Mattolomule’s. It was a heavy burden on Amity’s shoulders, but she would not buckle. Whether she was among the popular crowd or the H.A.S, Amity would prove her strength.

Leaning back in her seat, Amity said, “Oh yeah? Since when? I’m among the most logical and objective students in Hexside, and you don’t see me prancing around in a wig and costume, do you? What proof do you have?”

“Y-Yeah, show us proof!” said Eric the Unicorn. Megan nodded her head and seconded his motion.

“Amity is a great Secretary!” said Eileen. She raised a fist in the air. “Don’t throw around mean words about her just because you two don’t get along.”

“Hmph, what toadies.” Mattolomule growled. “Are you all so blind? How can you all fall for this little conspiracy?” 

With a deft motion, Mattolomule yanked Amity’s notebook out of her hands. Amity yelped, then gritting her teeth, she tried to take it back. Mattolomule held the notebook just out of reach, pushing back against Amity’s shoulder. 

“Hah, here’s your proof!” Mattolomule said, waving the notebook in the air. “Ms. Blight writes all of her sinister schemes in here! Read it for yourselves and witness the true depths of her depravity!” 

Before Amity could stop him, Mattolomule threw the notebook over to the others. The book fell on its spine, and with a crack it opened to a random page. With a nervous energy and a shared glance, Megan and Eric looked into the notebook while the new H.A.S. members jostled behind them for a quick peek. 

Much of the page was written in Amity’s neat and formal handwriting, where the words seamlessly flowed together like creeping vines. They twirled and curled together like some magnificent tree, forming a page of fine literature. However, at the bottom of the page, several lines were heavily crossed out and were paired with fanciful doodles, signs that even in school, Amity wasn’t all business. The H.A.S. members let out a sigh of relief in the knowledge that, at heart, Amity was a kid like them, and not some perfect student molded from clay. 

The page read as such:

_Humans are as confounding as always, but I must learn more. Why, just yesterday, she said something in that bizarre alien cat language of hers: ‘Eres muy importante para mi.’ What can it mean, what can it mean? Uuugh, why must humans be so mysterious and hide behind strange tongues?_

_… but judging by her face, I think it was something very heartfelt and sweet? To be extra sure, I rented out a book on human languages from the Library, and I’ve been practicing this ‘Spanish’ every day. By the way, did you know humans speak over 7000 languages? That’s insane, how can they fit all that knowledge in their heads? No wonder Luz struggles to learn magic, she must know so many words that they’re spilling out her ears!_

_Gah, what am I doing? The more I learn about humans, the more amazing they seem! Venom glands in_ _their throats, laser vision, the ability to metamorphose into cat people… she is way out of my league. If Luz ever returns to her own realm, would she even glance my way? Of course not. That’s why I have to learn more about humans, and continue my studies at Hexside. If I become the most powerful witch on the Boiling Isles, surely I can be a match for the greatest human alive? She deserves the best, after all._

~~_Luz Blight, Luz Noceda Blight, Amity Noceda. You are the light of my life. No, too cheesy. Dear Luz, this may sound strange, but for a while now I really wanted to_ ~~

The rest of the text was utterly scribbled out, but in the far right corner was a doodle of Amity and Luz dressed up as the Good Witch Azura and holding hands, and in the far left corner was a picture of Luz drawn in a vaguely anime-esque style. The H.A.S. members poured over the notebook with hungry eyes, unable to pull themselves away from it.

That is, before Eileen yanked the book away and snapped it shut. The cyclops witch frowned disapprovingly at her fellow club members. The newer members felt their eyes water at the impossible sight.

“Honestly, I expected better from you guys.. Don’t you know not to poke around other people’s secrets?” 

“B-But it was laid out for us to see! How can we not look?” said Eric. Megan gave a helpless shrug, as if there was no resisting a witch’s natural curiosity, but she had the decency to look guilty.

“B-Besides, if Mattolomule is telling the truth, shouldn’t we at least look at the evidence?” said Megan. She gave an apologetic nod to Amity. “S-Sorry, Amity! W-We didn’t see that much! Uh, good luck learning this ‘Spanglish’ language or whatever?”

Amity didn’t say anything. She simply curled up into a ball and buried her face in her knees, unwilling to expose her bright red face to everyone. The green-haired witch had the good sense to leave the juicer details for her diary, but it was still humiliating to have others read her notebook. When Eileen came over and handed Amity the notebook back, she gave the cyclops a fragile smile.

“Th-thanks…”

“Don’t mention it. You’d do the same for me.”

Spinning on her heel, Eileen glared at Mattolomule, and with her big eye, the sheer intensity of the stare nearly threw the brown-haired witch off his feet. 

“Mattolomule, you’ve gone too far this time! What gives you the right to expose Amity’s secrets like that? Aren’t you ashamed of yourself?”

Staring down the cyclops, Mattolomule said, “What gives me the right? I’m the president of this club, or did you forget? It’s my job to keep the riff-raff out, and–”

“Some president, ha!” Eileen crossed her arms. “I don’t know how I feel about a president who does stuff like this. Who knows, maybe it’s time we hold an election? What do you guys think?”

Now that the heat was off of them, the other H.A.S. members nodded and mumbled in general agreement. No one particularly cared for Mattolomule, and if elections were held, that meant everyone had a chance to join the club leadership. Their words stung Mattolomule’s ears worse than gnats, and growling at Eileen, he prodded the cyclops girl in the shoulder.

“Since when are you so brave, huh? Think you’re playing hero do you?”

Eileen gently but firmly pushed Mattolomule’s hand away. 

“No. I just have something worth protecting now.”

Angrily, desperately, Mattolomule searched for a twinge of weakness, a twitch of ear across Eileen’s ocular face. He found none. Silently, the young witch gulped and put both hands to his chest.

“Wh-Why are you guys ganging up on me anyways?” Mattolomule pointed an accusatory finger at Amity. “She’s the human poser!”

“A what?” said Eileen.

“A what?” said the rest of the H.A.S.

“A what!?” Amity said, whose face grew so hot that it was a wonder her hair didn’t catch flame. She hugged the notebook close to her chest. “M-Maybe I haven’t been perfectly objective in my research, b-but that’s only because I’m friends with a human! Even the best researchers are prone to a little bias. That doesn’t mean I'm a human poser! What does that even mean?"

Mattolomule gave an exasperated shrug. 

“Oh, come on! You guys read her notes, she’s clearly got the hots for Luz the Human! She’s not the least bit objective, she just wants to use our research to pick up chicks!” Mattolomule narrowed his eyes. “Or worse, she'll turn us into posers like her! Before you know it, we’re gonna join forces with the Human Fantasy Club and all dress up like stinking humans!”

Gripping his hands tightly, Mattolomule turned his head skyward in a rather melodramatic fashion.

"There will be girly tea parties, where we'll dress up in otter costumes and drink the gooey eye juices of wayward demons! We'll play human sports like busketbull, where we throw javelins through hoops before breaking out into horrid rap battles! And worst of all, we'll sit down and talk about our feelings in a healthy, constructive manner while a guy with puffy white hair writes judging notes in a notebook!" Mattolomule dragged his hands across his face, groaning deeply. "We'll turn into costume-wearing, anime-loving sports freaks! Well, I won't let Amity do that to us!"

Amity stared blankly at Mattolomule while he ranted and raved like a lunatic. Did, did he really know nothing about the Human Fantasy Club? How ignorant could one witch be?

Prior to joining the Human Appreciation Society, Amity had scoped out the Human Fantasy Club. The witches and demons in the club seemed normal enough, if a bit dull. During every club meeting, they dressed in office uniforms and did human things like file taxes, gossip around the water cooler, and vote democratically. It all seemed rather boring to Amity, and after she watched paint dry for thirty minutes and was no closer to understanding the human condition, Amity knew the club was not for her. 

Honestly, Mattolomule's vision of the club sounded far more interesting, but nevertheless, Amity didn't want to be kicked out of the H.A.S. With the club's help, she was growing closer to Luz by the day, and what's more, she had actual friends here. She didn't want to lose that!

Before Amity could defend herself, a murmur ran through the H.A.S. members. One of the new members, a black-horned demon who wore violet sleeves, raised her hand.

“Uh, you say that like it’s a bad thing?” said Millie. The demon girl tilted her head to the side. “Only it sounds, like, a lot of fun? I love wearing costumes, so wouldn’t it be exciting to do it with fellow enthusiasts? What do you think, Megan?”

“What? Ahaha, I mean…” Megan blushed and anxiously drummed on her knees. Suddenly everything else in the room seemed far more interesting than Millie’s pretty red face. “M-Maybe? I-I don’t have a human fetish, but our meetings get a bit… repetitive after a while? S-So maybe dressing up in cute human dresses and trying out new things could be fun?”

“Yeah, I love it!” Millie nodded her head, and putting a hand on Megan’s, she smiled at her friend. “Personally, I think you’d look great in those tu-tus those ballerinas wear!”

“You think? Gosh, I don’t know. But if you say so, Millie, I’ll try out anything! Ahahaha!”

As a group, the H.A.S. watched this spectacle unfold. Despite everything, Amity couldn’t help but smirk as Mattolomule’s lower eyelid twitched. Leaning down, she whispered in the young witch’s ear.

“Seems like you lost them. Why not give up while you’re ahead, Mr. President?” Amity gave Mattolomule a hard slap on the shoulder. “Unless you suddenly have more evidence to convict me, I don’t think they care who I may or may not like.”

Sliding out of her seat, Amity walked over to Gus. She gripped the notebook close to her chest.

“Do you mind if I leave early? I’ve lost my appetite for this place.”

With a small frown, Gus nodded his head. 

“Sure. Sorry about today.” Gus clenched his fist and glared at Mattolomule. “Some day, we’re gonna kick that jerk out of here.”

“It’s a promise,” said Amity, and with a deep sigh, she walked out the door. 

Snorting softly, Amity thought, _“A human poster indeed! Whoever heard of such a thing? I like Luz for who she is, not because she’s a human! Although… Luz has such cute little ears. They’re so small, so circular, so exotic. If we ever date, I wonder if Luz would let me… oh wait.”_

And as Amity walked out the door, she failed to notice Mattolomule glaring at her retreating back.

“More proof, eh?” Mattolomule said under his breath. He rubbed his grubby little hands together. “Oh, I’ll show them proof alright. All the proof those thankless idiots need to kick you out. Then no one will question my authority ever again, not Gus, not Eileen. No one…”


	6. Amity Blight or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Luz Noceda

The bright sun was warm on Luz’s skin when she left the Owl House that fine Sunday morning. She hummed as she walked through the woods, bouncing with every step. The streaks of sunlight that slipped through the canopy created a kaleidoscope of color across the forest floor, and Luz couldn’t help but admire it. While most of the Boiling Isles was fantastic and gross and beautiful in its own weird way, such natural beauty wasn’t lost on Luz, and in fact, it made the human nostalgic for her own realm. 

_“I wonder what Mom is up to?”_ Luz thought, kicking a few leaves around. _“Maybe she’s going on a nature walk right now? She probably needs it, working in that hospital all day must get stuffy.”_

As much as Luz loved the Boiling Isles and all the friends she made here, she still missed her mom sometimes. If Luz could visit her for one day, she would share all she learned with Camilla, chattering on for hours about magic and all her crazy adventures. Then they could go out to their favorite restaurant, stuff their faces until they were sick, and do something fun like they used to do when Luz was younger, like stargaze and tell stories about other worlds.

Most importantly, Luz wanted her mom to meet all the amazing people she met on the Boiling Isles. Eda, King, and even Hooty were like a second family to her, and Luz wanted Camilla to welcome them into her life like she accepted them. Perhaps it was a naive and selfish dream, but what’s wrong with wanting to expand her family? 

And if Camilla liked her family at the Owl House, surely she would love Luz’s friends? Both Camilla and Willow were huge plant nerds, and Gus was so funny that her mom would be crazy not to laugh at his jokes. And pffft, her mom would of course love Amity, what’s not to love about Amity? If Camilla knew how much she helped Luz in school, Camilla would definitely hire Amity to tutor Luz every day.

The thought of spending hours learning magic from Amity made Luz feel all warm and fuzzy inside. It conjured images of pouring over textbooks into the wee hours of the morning, lit only by candlelight as they struggled to stay awake. Would Amity fall asleep first, using Luz’s shoulder as a pillow, or would they fall asleep in each other’s arms with the moon their only witness? Luz welcomed either fate. 

Plus, Amity was just so knowledgeable. She took extra time out of the day to make sure Luz grasped every magical subject, and anything Amity didn't know, she educated herself on. It was amazing how quickly she absorbed the knowledge, like some giant, grotesque magical witch sponge. If Amity didn't join the Emperor's Coven, she would surely make a great teacher some day. Luz could see a Ms. Amity Noceda pacing through her classroom, wearing spiffy glasses as she lectured her students on all the applications for Abominations.

... wait, Amity Noceda? Why would Amity have Luz's last name? Gah, brain fart! Luz was so silly sometimes, and she giggled herself. Imagine, her getting married to Amity some day! That was surely impossible.

Soon enough, Luz emerged from the woods and reached Bonesborough proper. It took her a moment to realize it, but the green-haired girl of her dreams was standing on a nearby street corner, waiting for her.

“Oh, Amity! Hey Amity!” said Luz, waving a hand as she ran over to join her. “Are you ready for today’s magic practice, ‘cause I sure am!” 

Once she got closer, Luz saw that her best and completely platonic friend was wearing a comfortable yet sturdy training outfit. The shirt was made from black wool with a brown leather pauldron and breast piece protecting the chest. The pants were similarly black with steel-tipped boots and leather greaves. A few magical sigils were interwoven with the outfit, and whenever Amity touched them, the sigils glowed a reddish purple.

A soft, yet appreciative whistle escaped Luz’s lips.

“Wow, Amity, you look so tough in that armor! It looks like you’re ready to fight some skeleton lords or a dragon!” Luz gestured to the leather outfit. “Is all this gear for practice?”

“Indeed it is!” Amity drummed her knuckles on the pauldron. “For today’s lesson, I’m going to show you some high level spells! This armor isn’t quite as tough as witch’s wool, but it's more durable and should protect me if things get… explosive.” 

Amity gestured to the blue cape wrapped around Luz’s neck. It billowed in the air even without the wind, and every so often, the purple lining rippled with magical energy. 

“Are you sure you don’t need more protection? I can loan you my spare set, though it might be a bit big on you…”

Luz shook her head.

“Nope, my cape is plenty strong!” Luz stroked the cape fondly. “Even after I fought Emperor Belos in this thing, I didn’t get a scratch! Heck, I could probably take a fireball to the face and be perfectly fine!”

“Let’s not test that theory. To be on the safe side,” Amity said. She gave a weak chuckle. “And please, I don’t need any reminders that my best friend is a wanted criminal. If my parents ever learn the truth, it’ll make things rather… complicated for us.”

“Fair, fair. No one wants to get you in trouble, Amity,” Luz said, nodding her head. 

Almost without thinking, Luz took Amity by the hand and the two girls walked down the street. There were many places on the Boiling Isles for witches to practice their magic, but most of them were exclusive to covens, and until Amity and Luz graduated, they were forbidden from using the facilities. There were, however, a few businesses that offered fledgling witches like them a safe place to train alongside other children, and today they were visiting the local YWMA for some target practice.

Ordinarily, the Clawthorne Sisters would accompany their students, but until the heat blew over from Eda’s recent escape and Lilith’s banishment from the Emperor’s Coven, the two witches preferred to stay home at the Owl House. Besides, Eda needed to do more research on wild magic, and Amity didn’t want to pressure Lilith for lessons while she adjusted to bearing the Owl Curse.

As promised, the two girls met Willow outside the YWMA. Willow was a member of the youth group, and from her experience, she knew this was the perfect place for Luz and Amity to train without direct supervision. She greeted them both with a smile.

“Luz, Amity! I’m glad you made it,” Willow said. She pulled her friends into a hug. “If you two kept me waiting, I mighta gone in without you~”

“Sorry, sorry! I got held up making new cards!” Luz said. With a flick of her wrist, Luz drew a handful of spell cards like a paper fan, each card depicting a different glyph. “See? I made over five dozen cards, so I’m extra prepared.”

“And along the way, she kept raving about a new ‘mystery’ spell she learned,” Amity said, giving Luz a playful nudge. “It was all ‘wait until you see it’ this and ‘you won’t believe your eyes’ that!”

“Well, it’s true!” said Luz. She held up a card bearing a wholly new glyph. The glyph consisted of two jagged lines that ran parallel with each other before meeting at the spell circle. Above the jagged lines was a circle that shimmered blue in the right light. “Just wait until you see what this bad boy can do! It's so amazing that your minds, ehehehe, will be blown!”

“And I’m sure that joke will be funny in hindsight,” Willow said. She gestured to the front door. “Why don’t we head inside? The YWMA has all sorts of cool training equipment, and I cannot wait to show you.”

Without any further prompting, Luz ran into the building. Amity went to follow after her, but before she could, Willow stuck an arm out and caught the green-haired witch. The blue-haired witch gave Amity a patient, if concerned smile.

“Amity, could I have a word with you? In private?”

“Uh.” Amity watched as Luz ran through the front doors and greeted the security guard with a friendly nod. She glanced at Willow with a small frown. “I suppose. Is something wrong?”

“No, nothing’s wrong. I wanted to ask if Gus has given you any… advice lately?”

“A-Advice? I don’t know what you’re talking about…” Amity said. Her eyes instinctively darted left, a nervous habit of hers whenever Amity couldn’t tell the whole truth.

Willow raised an eyebrow.

“Really? Can you look me in the eye and say that? ‘Cause I’m getting the faintest impression you and Gus have some big dumb plan, and it involves Luz...”

Amity refused to turn her head. Somehow, Amity felt that if she locked eyes with Willow, every last one of her secrets would be read across her face. The green-haired witch broke out into a sweat.

“I-I have no idea what you’re talking about! Me, plans? For Luz? Pffft, never in a million years, ahaha, Gus didn’t squeal on me, did he?”

Willow narrowed her eyes, but she said nothing. If she really pushed, Willow knew that she could get Amity to crack like an egg, but she didn’t want to upset her friend. They were still repairing their friendship, after all, and starting the training session on a bad foot would only sour the day. 

So, with a shrug, Willow gave Amity a friendly grin.

“... of course you don’t. It was silly of me to ask. But, if you ever want to talk about certain… feelings, I’m here to support you.” Willow patted Amity on the shoulder. She gave her a wink. “But word to the wise: humans come from apes. How Gus came up with alien cat people, I’ll never know. Good luck out there, Ms. Meow-Meow.”

With a hum, Willow walked into the YWMA building, leaving Amity by herself. The green-haired witch stared at her feet as her brain ran a mile a minute and her face burned red-hot. If someone listened closely, they could almost hear steam pour out of Amity’s ears.

“Humans come from…?” Amity gripped her fists tightly. “Stupid! Stupid stupid stupid! I knew I should have fact-checked Gus’s silly magazine! Aaaah, to think I meowed at Luz like a, like a… aaaah, I don’t even wanna think about it!”

Gathering together the fractured pieces of her dignity, Amity ran after Luz and thought of any conceivable excuse for the other day. She was so busy running that she failed to notice a familiar brown-haired witch, who was in the middle of his _jeongsin_ class, a magical martial art where witches channel the magic throughout their body to increase their physical abilities. 

Raising an eyebrow, Mattolomule briefly pondered what Amity Blight of all people was doing at his YWMA before he shook his head. No, it didn’t matter why she was here, simply that he had an opportunity to uncover her dark secrets. 

_“Watch out, Blight. I’m gonna expose you for the human-loving freak you are!”_ Mattolomule thought. He was so distracted by his thoughts that Mattolomule failed to notice that he was paired up in a practice duel. _“I’d do it sooner, but I gotta finish this dumb class my dad put me through first! Who says I need to learn the value of ‘hard work’ and ‘discipline,’ this place is boring!”_

The brown-haired witch chuckled darkly as he plotted his scheme… right until a five-year-old half his size jumped up and roundhouse kicked Mattolomule in the head.

* * *

The magic lesson started off like any other: after Willow and Amity prepared an arena inside the YWMA, the two witches drew spell circles in the air. The green and purple circles shone brightly and the ground rumbled as the magic took hold. After a moment, the earth split open as a pink-petaled mandrake came to life while a three-eyed abomination arose from the aether. 

The two creatures turned to their counterpart, ready to duel for their masters, but they froze in place when Amity cleared her throat.

“Sorry you two, but you won’t be fighting each other.” Amity pointed to the opposite side of the arena. “You’ll be fighting her.”

On the opposite side of the arena stood Luz Noceda, who was busy doing stretches. She waved a friendly hello to the creatures, and despite their mindless natures, the mandrake and abomination felt compelled to wave back. 

“Are you ready, Luz?” said Willow. She gave a nervous frown. “Let us know if this gets too tough to handle, okay?”

“Thanks, Willow, but I’m ready for anything.” Luz crouched into a fighting stance. “Go on, come at me with all you got! I can take it.”

“Alright then…”

With a magical push, Willow and Amity ordered their creatures to attack. The mandrake went first, charging towards Luz as its thick stem ploughed through the soft earth. With a shrill screech, it swung a thorny vine at the human, attempting to knock her to the ground. 

Before the vine could connect, Luz put down an ice glyph. With a tingle of magic, a pillar of ice shot out of ground and took the blow for Luz. Not only that, but the icy pillar stung the mandrake’s sensitive vine, and with a yelp it pulled back. 

Luz, however, wasn’t done yet. With a fire glyph in hand, Luz raised her palm to fry the mandrake to cinders, but before she could activate it, the three-eyed abomination slithered behind Luz and swung a meaty fist at her.

“Whoops! Cannot let these guys box me in!” Luz said, ducking out of the way. Turning the glyph to the abomination, Luz blasted the creature with a fireball. It splattered all over the place in an explosion of purple goo, but with Amity’s magic the abomination pulled itself back together.

“You’re gonna have to do better than that, Luz!” Amity said. Her hands weaved through the air like she was sculpting clay, and a second, smaller abomination arose from the goo of its larger kin. While the first abomination lurched forward like a zombie, the second dashed circles around Luz, caging her in with the creature. 

With its slow but powerful arms, the three-eyed abomination swung blow after blow at Luz. The human dodged and rolled through every attack, but when she was pushed towards the smaller abomination, it snapped at her feet with a gooey tentacle. Luz’s eyes flitted back and forth as she planned her next move.

“Okay, so I’m trapped with two abominations and fireballs only make more of them. Plus, it looks like the mandrake is ready for more action,” said Luz, mumbling under her breath. “Think, Luz, think! What’s the best way out of this situation…?”

After another moment of thought, a light bulb flickered inside Luz’s head. She snapped her fingers as a smile crossed her face.

“I got it!” 

Standing tall and proud, Luz stared down the three-eyed abomination as it towered over her, ready to smother the human in its purple goo. She gripped her fists tightly as she carefully timed the second abomination’s rotation in her head.

“You think you’re so tough, don’t you _, tu gran matón_?” said Luz. She crossed her arms together. “Well, I’m not afraid of you! Hit me with your best shot!”

For a brief moment, the abomination’s three eyes flashed from green to red, and with a roar, the creature brought its fists down on Luz like a hammer. Before the blow could hit, however, Luz ducked and rolled between the abomination’s legs. At the same time, the smaller abomination completed another circuit, and with a gooey splat, the first abomination flattened its brethren into gooey paste. 

Rolling onto the other side of the abomination, Luz quickly slapped an ice glyph on the creature’s leg. With a tap, ice spread from the spell card and quickly engulfed the gooey creature from head-to-toe, freezing it solid. Luz pumped the air in excitement.

“Yes! Two down, one to go!” 

Before Luz could celebrate her victory, Willow’s mandrake went on the offensive. It charged at Luz, and before it could reach the human, the flower monster swelled up like a balloon before it fired sharp spikes. The spikes flew fast and true, and with an _eeep_ , Luz tumbled backwards. 

It was only by dumb luck that the spikes soared over Luz’s head. With a dull _crunk_ , three or four spikes struck the frozen abomination in the back. Deep cracks splintered across the ice sculpture, and with the slow but inevitable speed of a tree falling in a forest, the frozen abomination fell to pieces. 

Luz let out a yelp as she barrel rolled away from the falling debris.

“Aaah! I’m too young to become a cute witch pancake!”

Picking herself up quickly, Luz pulled another spell card out as she prepared for the mandrake’s next attack, but it never came. The mandrake stood silent and still, blinking in confusion. It took Luz a moment to realize that it was distracted by the fight brewing between Amity and Willow.

“What was that? Who said you could hurl spikes at Luz?” Amity said, glaring at Willow. The green-haired witch pointed at the pile of rubble that was once her abomination. “Did you honestly think that was safe for training practice?”

Willow shrugged her shoulders helplessly. 

“B-But Luz said she was ready for anything! If I held back, she might think I wasn’t taking this seriously, or worse, that I’m underestimating her...”

“Oh yeah? You could have seriously hurt her with that little stunt! Witch’s wool can only protect against so much!” 

“I-I’m sorry, Amity! I didn’t mean to–”

“Ah, come on you guys! There’s no reason to fight!” Luz said, running over to her friends. She looked between the two witches and frowned. “See, I’m alright! Besides, I did ask Willow to throw everything she had at me. If anything, I’m the one who underestimated her.”

“B-But Luz…!” Amity said, her eyes wide with worry. “What if you got hurt badly? I couldn’t bear to see that happen…”

Luz nodded her head, and wrapping her arms around her friends, she pulled them into a hug. She gave both witches a warm and tight squeeze.

“Thanks for worrying about me, but it’s okay, Amity! I might look like a weak nerd, but I’m getting stronger every day.” Luz gave Amity a small smile, the sort of smile that made the green-haired witch go all warm and gooey inside. “So please go easy on Willow. She didn’t mean anything by it.”

Turning her head to Willow, Luz continued.

“I’m sorry for being so reckless, Willow. I bit off more than I could chew. Perhaps we should be more careful next time? Sometimes, I forget how crazy-powerful you are, ehehe!”

Willow blushed and nodded her head. It was hard to resist Luz’s unique charm, and as usual, the blue-haired witch found herself swept up by the human’s current. 

“I’d like that. I don’t really wanna throw spikes at you either.”

For a fleeting instant, Willow and Amity’s eyes connected. Without words, they shared the same wavelength and gave apologetic grins. Both witches cared for Luz more than they could say, and the last thing they wanted was for her to get hurt. That meant being patient and kind above all else, and neither witch wanted to fight each other. It wasn’t easy being friends, but if it meant being around an amazing person like Luz, it was worth it. 

While the three witches embraced and forgave each other, they failed to notice they had an audience. In the far corner of the arena was a lone witch, who hung off the wall by his collar. A sharp, green spike held him several feet off the floor, and every few seconds, there was a sharp ripping sound as his clothes tore apart. 

An old-fashioned camera hung around the witch’s neck, and breaking into a sweat, Mattolomule trembled in a cold sweat.

“Th-those witches are crazy! I’d better take these pictures out of sight… if those three catch me spying on them, they’ll fill me with more spikes than a pincushion for sure!”

* * *

Once the duel arena was cleaned up, the three friends continued their training. Everyone agreed that pitting Luz against two witches was a tall order, so after a game of rock-potion-plant, it was decided that Luz would train with Willow first. 

Rather than pit Luz against a mandrake again, Willow summoned vines and trees to create an obstacle course. Each obstacle would force Luz to use a different spell while also honing her body for future fights with the Emperor’s Coven. The first obstacle was a barbed wire crawl, where Luz had to crawl underneath a long stretch of barbed wire. Thorny vines were used in place of barbed wire, but the thorns were no less sharp or deadly.

With a deep breath, Luz dove under the vines, careful to make sure her cape didn’t snag. Anytime it did, she used a fire spell to burn away the thorns. It took concentration to not set the whole vine aflame, since Luz wasn’t exactly fireproof, and the claustrophobic conditions didn’t lower the stress either. The purpose of the exercise was to teach Luz self-control: it was one thing to blast down walls with giant fireballs, but fully trained witches needed discipline too. 

By the time Luz was halfway through the crawl, Willow sidled up next to Amity. With a nonchalant tone, Willow said, “So… Luz is really something special, huh?”

“That she is…” said Amity in a breathless voice. She was much too busy admiring Luz to pay much attention to Willow’s exact words. “And to think, she started learning magic only a few weeks ago. She’s a natural learner.”

“That’s so true! And isn’t she awfully kind? Besides Gus, I’ve never known a friend as great and loyal as Luz.”

“She is pretty wonderful.” Amity winced when Luz got her hair caught on a few thorns, and when the human freed herself with an ice glyph, she gave a generous round of applause. “The world seems brighter when she’s around. Luz is the sorta friend who will always be there, who looks past your flaws and sees the true you, who is kind to a lost and foolish girl who nearly forgot what genuine friendship is like. I, I feel honored to know someone like Luz.”

Willow glanced at Amity. In all her years, she’d never seen her friend smile so brightly, so openly before. Amity looked at Luz as if she was the morning sun, filling Amity’s eyes with a deep and honest joy that went beyond a mere crush. If Amity had any musical talent, Willow bet she would sing Luz’s praises in a heartbeat. 

Licking her lips nervously, Will pushed the line of questions further.

“So don’t you think she’s a bit… weird? Like, what’s that alien dialect she speaks sometimes?”

Amity shook her head. 

“No. Well, yes, Luz can be weird sometimes… but that’s what makes her Luz. I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Amity shrugged. “Besides, who knows? Maybe all humans are weird?”

By now, Luz had completed the barb wire crawl and she was climbing a tower of tree trunks. Short branches served as perches, but the higher Luz climbed, the fewer branches there were to grab. She used plant glyphs to create handholds, but the freshly born flowers were often slippery, and Luz fell off the tower more than a few times. 

Every time Luz fell, however, she would get right back up and try again. Amity couldn’t help but admire such tenacity, such determination. That was yet another reason she loved the human so much.

That, and it gave Amity ample time to appreciate Luz’s slender, yet strong arms. She still remembered how close and tight those arms held her only a short while ago, after Amity broke her ankle at the Grudgby game. She couldn’t remember the last time anyone held her like that, and once or twice, Amity dreamed of Luz’s breath on her neck and the warmth shared between them.

 _“Wow, she’s got it bad,”_ thought Willow. She pursed her lips, unsure of how hard to push. She certainly didn’t want to force out a confession, but if Willow was to ever help Amity out, they needed to be completely honest with each other. 

So, twirling a lock of hair around a finger, Willow said, “And don’t you think she’s pretty too? I don’t know what the beauty standards are back in the Human Realm, but have you ever known a girl with a better smile?”

Amity breathed a blissful sigh and nodded her head. Luz had reached the top of the tree trunk tower and stood tall as a ray of sunlight lit her face. Not for the first time, Amity felt her heart skip a beat in the presence of such a radiant figure, and when Luz proudly waved in their direction, Amity nearly melted into a puddle of love-struck goo.

“It’s not just her smile! It’s her perfect brown eyes that are sweeter than chocolate, the way her laugh rings like bells, the smoothness of her beautiful skin, the way I melt in her strong arms, and… and…” 

Amity’s eyes went wide as her ears finally caught up with her mouth. Turning her head around, Amity turned pale when she saw Willow’s knowing look.

“... and I’ve said too much, haven’t I?”

Willow shrugged. 

“You did lay it on a little thick, yeah.”

Without a word, without even a whimper, Amity knelt down and rested her head on the floor. Taking Willow’s left leg, she carefully placed the foot on her head. Amity stared into the middle distance as her voice grew numb and hollow.

“Right then. Well, I had a good life. It was shorter than expected, but oh well.” Amity closed her eyes and clenched her teeth, ready for the final release. “Go on, Willow: end me. Please don’t make me suffer anymore.” 

With a chuckle, Willow lifted her foot and sat down next to the green-haired witch. She gently stroked Amity’s head.

“Amity, it’s okay! I said it before, didn’t I?” Willow smiled. “I support you all the way. You clearly care for Luz a lot, and not to get your hopes up, but I think Luz likes you too. Haven’t you noticed how she smiles wider around you?”

Slowly, Amity opened one eye. 

“... you think so?”

“I know so!” Willow nodded confidently, then raised an eyebrow. “But I have to ask… why did you join the H.A.S.? Gus is the last person you should go to for romantic advice.”

“I know, I know…” Amity dragged her hands across her face. “I cannot believe I meowed in Luz’s face like that. I was so desperate to learn anything about humans that I swallowed the first myth Gus told me!” 

“Cannot you ask Luz herself? I’m positive she’d love to share her world with you.”

Amity shook her head and buried her face in the floor.

“If I did that, it’d seem suspicious! I-I don’t want her catching on until I’m ready to confess.” 

“Hm, but when is that? If you keep following Gus’ advice, sooner or later, Luz will think you’re the weird one.” Willow let out a soft chuckle. “No offense.”

“None taken.” 

Curling up into a ball, Amity silently blushed. Everything Willow said made perfect sense. Of course the best way to learn about humans was to go straight to the source. But that meant confronting Luz, and more importantly, acknowledging her own ignorance.

Because at the end of the day, what did Amity truly know about Luz? She knew how sweet and bighearted the human was, how passionate she was for magic, but Amity knew so little about what made Luz tick. What was Luz’s life before she came to the Boiling Isles? Did she have any friends or family Amity didn’t know about? And perhaps most importantly, why did Luz try so hard to befriend Amity in the first place?

Amity certainly never did anything to deserve it. Whether it was bullying Willow, trying to have her dissected as an ‘abomination,’ or demanding that Luz admit she wasn’t a witch, Amity had treated Luz horribly since the day they met. It was only after the Library Incident that Amity ever thought that perhaps she was the bully, and that she should turn her life around.

Ultimately, what kept Amity from confessing wasn’t her fear of rejection, or her lack of knowledge on humans, but the deep-seated fear that perhaps Luz was wrong: perhaps Amity couldn’t change, perhaps all she was a cold, selfish coward. When push came to shove, Amity had abandoned Willow to please her parents, and if Mr. & Mrs. Blight ever learned of her feelings for Luz, who's to say Amity wouldn’t do the same thing? 

If Amity and Luz ever dated, only for them to break up, did she ever deserve love at all?

While Amity swam in this sea of doubt, Willow frowned. She could only imagine where Amity’s mind had gone, but she certainly noticed how her friend’s mood dropped. She rubbed small circles on Amity’s back, hoping to lift her mood.

“... you know,” Willow said in a marginally hopeful tone. “If you have so much trouble confessing to Luz’s face, you could always–”

Before another word was said, a sharp yelp filled the air. Twisting their heads around, Amity and Willow saw Luz standing in the middle of a deep, dark pit. She stood atop a tall ice pillar, and inside the pit, ravenous man-eating plants snapped their leafy green jaws. Luz waved a hand at her friends with an embarrassed grin. 

“Uh, guys? A little help? I kinda sorta maybe dropped my glyphs, and I don’t have anything else to get across? Ehehehe?”

Willow rose to her feet, and running over to Luz, she drew a spell circle. A small bridge shaped out of vines sprouted from the earth and stretched over to the ice pillar, but when the two connected, the bridge hit the pillar hard. Sharp cracks rippled down to the pillar’s base, and with a chomp by an acid-spitting Venus flytrap, the pillar split in two.

“Luz!” shouted Willow, holding out a hand. The human girl’s eyes widened as she tumbled into the pit.

“Aaah! I’m too young to be plant food!” said Luz.

But before Luz could swan dive into a pitcher plant’s waiting maw, Amity Blight sprinted forward. She ran faster than should be possible for her fourteen year old legs, and with a bound, she leapt across the deep chasm. Like a soaring eagle, Amity yanked Luz out of the air and caught her in a bear hug. 

In an explosion of dust and dirt, the two girls landed on the opposite side of the chasm. Luz coughed hard as cold air filled her lungs, and waving some dust out of the air, she glanced up at the shadowy figure hovering over her.

“... Amity?” said Luz.

Amity’s breath came in short, shallow waves. Her golden eyes shone like the moon as her arms trembled and her whole body quaked like a leaf. Her lower half was straddled Luz’s, but she lacked the strength to pick herself up. Cold beads of sweat dripped down her face as Amity dug her fingers through the dirt.

“Thank… goodness,” Amity said. Her lips quivered as her vision grew misty. “For a moment there… I thought I’d, that I’d…”

With a sigh, Amity’s upper half collapsed under its own weight. She fell on top of Luz, and pulling her into a hug, Amity buried her face into the human’s neck. 

For a moment, Luz remained still. She didn’t have any words for what was happening. Slowly though, she wrapped her arms around Amity and held her tight.

“Hey, sssh, it’s okay. See, I’m still here.” Luz gave a small frown. “I didn’t mean to scare you. Stuff like this happens to me all the time! You shoulda seen the monsters that tried to eat me last week! You just get used to it.”

Amity shook her head and squeezed Luz tighter. It was one thing to know that Luz lived on the edge, that her life was a roller coaster of adventure, and another to see her beloved human in danger. Amity wouldn’t let anything hurt Luz, not herself, not the Emperor, certainly not some dumb plants. Taking a deep swallow, Amity fought back the urge to cry, but a few tears wet Luz’s neck anyways.

As the two girls embraced each other, Willow ran over to make sure no one was seriously hurt. Thankfully, the worst injury was a scraped knee on Luz’s part, and once Amity calmed down, she apologized for getting hysterical. Luz waved it off, and thanked Amity for the impromptu rescue.

While Amity’s face grew so hot that it nearly set her hair aflame, the faint click of camera shutters came from the duel arena’s bleachers. In the darkness, Mattolomule chuckled.

“Ahaha, those idiots! You’re making this too easy!” Mattolomule took a few snapshots of Luz hovering over Amity while the green-haired witch blushed, and a few others of Amity cleaning up Luz’s scraped knee. “Once the H.A.S. members see these pics, that Blight will be kicked out for sure! Come on, give me more juicy pics!”

With every photograph Mattolomule took, the more engrossed he became in his work. Mattolomule was so consumed by his dark desire for scandal that he failed to notice the bulbous, lipstick-wearing monster plant that crept up behind him.

As it turns out, man-eating plants are master escape artists. And some of them have damn sharp teeth...

After her bruise was patched up, Luz tilted her head to the side.

“Hey, do you hear something? It sounds like someone screaming for help?”

“Eh. It’s probably just the wind.” Willow shrugged. “So… do you still feel like training with Amity?”

For a moment, Amity felt her chest tighten. Luz simply shrugged and smiled widely.

“Pffft, like you even have to ask? After that little accident, we gotta end today on a high note!” 

Luz stretched out an arm and pulled Amity into a hug. The green-haired witch felt her heart melt in her chest as her face was pulled right next to Luz’s.

“Ahaha, whatever you say, Luz! I’m just glad you’re not hurt!” Amity said with a pink blush. “Gosh, her hair smells so nice. Like lavender mixed with blueberries…”

“What was that about blueberries?”

“N-Nothing, nothing!”

* * *

After Willow dismantled her obstacle course and Luz drew a new batch of glyphs, it was time to complete the day’s training. Amity and Luz stood at opposite ends of the duel arena while Willow sat on the bleachers, and just in case, she had grabbed a first-aid kit. 

“Are you sure about this, Luz?” said Amity. She gripped her hands tightly until the knuckles turned white. “First you were nearly gored by a spike, then you almost got eaten by giant plants. We can still call the match off.”

Luz nodded her head, and holding up a spell card, she said, “Yeah, I’m ready! This won’t be like our duel at the Covention! I’ll show you how much I’ve grown.”

“If you say so…”

Twirling a finger through the air, Amity summoned a pair of abominations. They weren’t especially big or gruesome-looking as far as abominations went, but they moved at a very brisk pace. The two purple creatures lumbered over to Luz, attacking in a pincer formation to pin the human down. With a gurgling moan, one abomination swiped a gooey hand at Luz while the second lurched forward in a full-body tackle. 

Luz, however, was prepared for this. With a _hup_ and a bound, Luz jumped onto the second abomination’s back. When the first abomination swung at her, it instead connected with the second abomination’s head. Luz kicked off the stricken creature’s back and cartwheeled in the air until she landed on her feet. 

“Hah! You’re gonna have to do better than that!” said Luz, smiling at the abominations. The gooey creatures had partly fused from the failed attack and squirmed around as they tried to pull themselves apart. Luz could only shake her head and chuckle.

The more time Luz spent around abominations, the more she wondered what was so great about them. Sure, they were useful for everyday tasks, but the goo golems were so clumsy and stupid that they fell apart at the slightest mishap. Why was a whole coven dedicated to them, and was Amity really getting the best education centered around them?

While Luz pondered this, Amity smiled and clapped her hands together. There was a glow of violet magic, and with a wet _splat_ , the two abominations were pulled together. Purple goo swirled around like veiny muscles interlocking with each other, and with a _burble_ , a twelve foot tall abomination stared down Luz Noceda.

“Oooh, I forgot they can do that,” Luz said. She took a step back as the abomination growled at her. “ _Madre María, por favor ayúdame.”_

The giant abomination took a deep breath, which made its throat bulge like a croaking toad. With a _gurgle_ , it spat out globs of purple slime at Luz, who ducked and weaved between the volleys of goo, and once or twice, Luz threw a fire glyph that erupted into a damp fireball when it hit a glob. 

After a minute or so, the volley stopped and the giant abomination took another gulp of air. Before it could hurl more globs, Luz put down a plant glyph and summoned a broad oak. When the attack resumed, the purple goo harmlessly splattered against the trunk. 

Leaning against the tree, Luz spied on the massive abomination before glancing down at her spell cards. 

“Come on, come on! What do I have to stand against this?” Luz said. She shuffled her cards around, desperately trying to figure out what strategy to use. After the last two training sessions blew up in her face, Luz didn’t want to disappoint her friends. She had to survive long enough to really show how far she’d come.

Once she picked out three glyphs, Luz prepared for her counter-assault, which was frankly good timing, because at that moment the giant abomination loomed overhead. Peering around the tree, the abomination raised a blobby foot high, but before it could crush her, Luz swiveled out of the way. With a defiant yell, Luz threw the first glyph down at the abomination’s feet.

“Not so fast, buster! I won’t go down that easily!”

The moment the glyph hit the ground, an ice pillar rose up from beneath the abomination’s foot. The giant creature groaned as it stumped backwards, thrown off its balance. It waved its tree trunk arms around, but before it could correct itself, Luz threw down the next glyph.

A huge column of wood sprouted out of the ground at a sharp angle. The giant abomination could only gasp as the tree hurdled into its chest, and in an explosion of goo, a sharp, spear-like tip erupted from the other side.

The abomination sent still as its body slumped on the massive spear. For a moment, dead silence filled the air. Then a hand twitched and the gooey creature stirred to life. 

“Aaargh,” said the abomination, blinking its four red eyes. It stared down at the spear jutting out of its chest and squeezed it tight, half-hoping the wood would splinter and crack between its fingers. The abomination hadn’t been alive for more than five minutes, and already its day sucked. 

But Luz Noceda was not done. With a shout, the human ran up the spear and slapped a glyph between the giant abomination’s eyes. All four eyes swiveled around until it went cross-eyed, and only then did the abomination realize Luz had planted her new, special glyph. Blue sparks crackled from the paper as it smoked, and a distressingly warm sensation spread across the abomination’s face.

“Oooh. Uuugh,” said the abomination right before fifty thousand volts surged through its body. Even without muscles, the goo creature went rigid as electricity erupted out of the spell card. Blue lightning shot out of the abomination's fingertips and smoke poured off its body. Small flames sprouted from the top of its head, and the abomination's red eyes glowed blue.

It was hard to tell if abominations felt pain. Their lack of nerve cells and regenerative abilities suggested otherwise, but the purple creatures were certainly distracted by it. As the lightning glyph fizzed out, the purple creature failed to notice Luz run back a few steps, place a glyph on her blue cloak, then charge forward. 

In an explosion of electricity, fire, and goo, Luz smashed through the abomination’s head. Her cloak shimmered like glass as the ice spell protected her from the lightning and burning heat, and with a roll, Luz Noceda stood on both feet as the dead abomination melted behind her and chunks of fiery slime fell from the sky like rain.

The duel arena was silent, save for the crackle of burning goo. No one said a word. Amity and Willow simply gaped at Luz, who let out a deep breath and shook ash off her cloak. With a flick, the spell card fell to the floor and Luz lost her ice armor. 

“Woo boy, I’m surprised that went so well! Thought for sure that I’d die!” said Luz. Once she turned to Amity and Willow, she tilted her head to the side. “... what? Is my hair on fire or something?”

Both witches shook their heads, and slowly Willow clapped her hands. Amity followed suit before she smiled at Luz.

“Wow… it was hard to imagine before, but I can see how you took on the Emperor’s Coven by yourself. That was amazing!” Amity said. She blushed and rubbed the back of her neck. “Sorry for doubting you before. I guess you can handle yourself…”

Luz shook her head and wiped some sweat from her brow.

“Thanks, but uh, that wasn’t my plan at all.” Luz chuckled to herself. “I only wanted to tip the abomination over and tie him up in vines! I never expected to burn his face off, ehehehe!”

Amity shook her head, and stepping over to Luz, she wiped a stray flake of ash from the human’s cheek. She smiled fondly at the human. 

“In a real fight, not everything goes according to plan. You should recognize your abilities more, Luz. Improvising on the fly is a great skill, and it proves how much you’ve grown these past few weeks. You’re much smarter than you know, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”

A pink blush crossed Luz’s cheeks, but she said nothing. Slowly, she placed her own hand across Amity’s and gave it a gentle squeeze. The two girls stayed like that for a while, unable to break eye contact. Without words, they both knew this was an important moment, even if they didn’t why or how.

When Willow coughed into her fist, the two girls finally separated. Amity tucked her hands behind her back and blushed brightly while Luz awkwardly whistled to herself. The green-haired witch drew circles in the dirt with her foot as she spoke.

“So, uh, shall we continue? I can keep fighting if you are?”

Luz nodded her head and pumped her fist.

“Heck yeah! Give me your worst, Blight! I’ll take on the biggest, meanest abomination you got!”

Amity giggled before a sharp look filled her eyes. A confident grin crossed her lips.

“You asked for it.”

Dragging her foot across the ground, Amity drew a large spell circle. A deep rattle shook the ground, and with a wet _blup-blup_ , purple goo arose from the circle, surging forth like flood waters while Amity stood in the center. 

Up and up and up rose the abomination until it stood a solid twenty feet, far larger than the last one. Amity stood atop its back, using a leash and collar made of violet magical energy to hold on. Drawing another spell circle, Amity summoned a purple fireball and playfully tossed it up and down. The green-haired witch barked a laugh as the abomination rested on its hands and feet, taking a bestial stance. 

“I hope you’ve got enough spell cards to beat us, Luz, ‘cause I’m gonna wipe that smirk clear off your pretty face!”

Even in the midst of cowering before the bestial abomination, Luz said, “You think my face is pretty?”

“Uh, yes? I mean, no!” Amity shook her head and a tight scowl crossed her face. Dang it, even in the heat of battle, Luz made her feel all hot and flustered. “I mean, you have very pleasing features, and as your friend, I can appreciate your looks on a purely platonic level, okay? Ugh!”

Amity lobbed the purple fireball in Luz’s direction, but the human was already running away. While the bestial abomination gave chase, Willow couldn’t help but laugh at her friends’ antics. Gosh, they were so cute together. She couldn’t wait until they put their heads on straight and started dating.

That was, of course, if they didn’t have any distractions. While Luz used plant glyphs to create vines and spikes for the abomination to fall on, a camera poked out between the bleachers’ seats and took a series of photographs. A dark chuckle came from beneath the bleachers.

“Heh heh heh. Yes, excellent. Pretty soon, I will have all the dirt I need, and Amity Blight will be the laughingstock of Hexside! It’s all coming together now, heh heh heh!”

Without turning away from Amity and Luz’s duel, Willow reached down and grabbed the camera’s extended lens. In a series of powerful jerks, she yanked the camera into the open. The person attached to the camera yelped as his face was repeatedly smashed against the bleachers until he slid between the seats.

“Ow ow ow!” said Mattolomule, wincing as the harsh light hit his eyes. He reached for his aching face only to hiss as red-hot pain ran across his skin. He turned to Willow. “What, what happened? Who are you?”

“Oh, just a fan of young love,” Willow said. She still watched the fight and grinned as Luz climbed up the bestial abomination’s arm. “And who might you be, my little spy?”

“Uh. No one important?” Mattolomule grabbed his camera and rose to his feet. “I gotta go!”

“I don’t think so.” 

Leafy vines sprouted out of nowhere and wrapped around Mattolomule’s legs, tripping the young witch. With a grunt, he was forced into his seat. He immediately tried to untangle himself, gritting his teeth.

“H-Hey, what’s the big idea? Let me go, you plant nerd!” 

“Manners, Mattolomule, manners. Didn’t your parents ever teach you manners?” 

Mattolomule jerked when Willow suddenly rose from her seat and cheered as Luz reached the top of the abomination. It wiggled around in an effort to shake her off while Amity and Luz wrestled each other. Although the two girls fought fiercely, the dumb grins plastered across their faces and the fire in their eyes said they were having the time of their lives.

Once Amity shook off Luz and the two girls started blasting each other with fire and ice spells, Willow sat back down and continued without skipping a beat. Something about her soft-spoken speech made Mattolomule feel very nervous indeed.

“As I was saying, spying is very rude. Care to hand that fancy-looking camera over?”

“Uh. If I say ‘yes,’ will you promise not to hurt me?”

“No. But if you do, you won’t have to drag your sorry carcass home.”

The vines tightened around Mattolomule’s legs. The young witch gulped and pondered how much pressure it took to break bones. He then quickly thought of anything else.

With a sigh of defeat, Mattolomule handed the camera over to Willow. He crossed his arms and grumbled as the vines unfolded, and with an impish snarl, he kicked one of them as they sunk into the floor below.

“Stupid little…” Mattolomule grumbled. “And to think, I took such great shots too! If those pictures got out, Blight would have been ruined! Or maybe I could have blackmailed her, or–”

“The lens cap is still on.”

“What?”

“The lens cap is still on. See?” 

Willow held the camera out to Mattolomule. Indeed, a black cap was still on the camera’s lens, and with a twist, Willow popped it off. She tossed the cap to Mattolomule, who clumsily caught it. He gaped at the offending piece of plastic.

“All that… hard work. After nearly being turned into a shish-kebab and escaping a man-eating plant… all that… hard work…”

For a moment, Willow reconsidered punishing Mattolomule. The young boy already looked crushed beyond belief, like his pet hamster had died. In a way, he was a pitiable figure, and being the wholesome and gentle plant-lover she was, Willow lacked the cruelty to hurt him.

Which is why she would let the universe do the job for her. With a twinkle of green magic and a smile, Willow summoned a bungee daffodil. A yellow flower sprouted from beneath Mattolomule, and with metallic groan, the spring-like stem launched him into the air. The young witch flew about ten feet before falling flat into the duel arena.

“Ow! Hey, watch it!” shouted Mattolomule. He waved a fist at Willow. “You three might have outsmarted me this time, but just you wait! I’ll be back, and next time, Amity Blight will know my wrath!”

“You might wanna run!” Willow said. She pointed off to the distance. “You’re in ground zero, you know!”

“Run? Run from what?”

A deep rumble shook the ground, and turning his head upwards, Mattolomule remembered the bestial abomination Amity had summoned. By now, Amity and Luz had fallen off the beast and were wrestling again, this time clearly exhausted from the duel. The purple creature stumbled around as its master’s magic left her, and without a witch properly control it, gobs of goo dripped from the abomination in buckets.

One such gob fell squarely on Mattolomule’s face as he stood beneath the giant creature. He was nearly invisible under its dark shadow.

“Oh… schnikes.” 

With a groan, gravity finally claimed the abomination and it collapsed into a puddle of purple goo. Mattolomule was buried in the avalanche and couldn’t even let out a cry as his mouth filled with the crummy stuff. Amity and Luz turned their heads at the goopy explosion, and once they remembered themselves, the two girls pulled their bodies apart and blushed hotter than twin volcanoes.

“Uh. That was an ancient spell passed down through the Blight family for generations. It's special in that, uh, it requires using your whole body, and you have to draw the circle with sweat too. Uh, yes…” Amity said, gulping hard.

Luz gasped.

“Really? I was just getting you in a triangle choke-hold!” Luz shrugged. “ _Mi mamá_ is a huge wrestling fan, and I was out of spell cards, so I did what came naturally!”

While Amity sputtered and glared at Luz like she was trying to make a fool of her, Willow laughed and pulled the two girls into a hug. 

“I’m glad you two had so much fun! I know, how about we go out for ice cream to celebrate a successful day of training? Amity’s treat!”

“Wait, excuse me?” 

Willow nodded her head at Luz and gave Amity a desperate look. Amity’s eyes widened.

“Oh. Oh! Yes, I’ll pay for the ice cream. I am rich, after all.”

“Yay! Thanks, Amity! Can I get a two scoop with a waffle cone? Back home, my favorite flavors are mint and chocolate, but I wanna see what crazy flavors the Boiling Isles has to offer.”

“Sure, Luz,” said Amity. The green-haired witch blushed as she and Luz walked hand-in-hand out of the YWMA with Willow trailing behind, smiling at her two friends. “Whatever you want…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a little announcement, I wanted to warn everyone that I will take a short break from this fanfic. I still intend to fully finish it in another 2-to-3 chapters, but at the moment I'm feeling a bit burned out. Part of it comes from how long this chapter became, and part of it is my indulgence in the Owl House at the expense of, well, everything else in my life. I love this series dearly, but I find that my best work comes out when I can shift in-and-out of my favorite series without binging on it at the exclusion of my other projects and responsibilities.


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